I met someone yesterday who really surprised me. He didn’t want to...

caio-felipe 1 year

I met someone yesterday who really surprised me. He didn’t want to pursue anything because I’m friends with my ex. He mentioned that he couldn’t date someone who maintains a friendship with their exes. Thoughts about it?

Like 20 comments

hidden

sounds like insecurity to me.

1 year

collectj

Being friends with an ex is proof that you’re capable on different kinds of relationships. Not being friendly (not necessarily friends) with any exes is a huge red flag.

1 year

hidden

huge 🚩 , if you don’t have the capacity to be friends with your exes it means you’re lacking emotional intelligence. Obviously every situation is different but if this is a blanket statement that’s upsetting

1 year

caio-felipe

I’m friend my 3 exes, we stopped to talk when he discovered about the first one 😂 😂 😂 !! But yeah for it’s a huge red flag 🚩

1 year

thisisjames

Possessive = insecure. Agree with @jordangauger 🚩🚩🚩

1 year

avatar.keith

The ability to be friends with an ex shows that you are capable of mature communication, forgiveness, and unconditional love. If someone has a problem with that, then it’s likely bc they’re insecure from lacking those high vibrational qualities. This person is saving you future emotional distress by showing their red flag 🚩 before you waste your investment on them 🙏🏾 Thank them and save your energy for someone who’s capable of matching your maturity level 🙌🏾

1 year

she

Any sort of policing who you were before you met them is controlling and weird, that’s who your friends are, any experiences you’ve had before them etc, good riddens 👏🏽

1 year

vmarcel

Why are we so quick to call 🚩instead of meeting the situation with curiosity and empathy? @caio-felipe I think it’s healthy that they set boundaries early on and it’s up to you to see if it as a dealbreaker or not. Good luck babes!

1 year

avatar.keith

@vmarcel I think because we’ve met this type of situation with curiosity and empathy multiple times before and noticed a pattern. Everything is relative though, so it might not be a 🚩 for another person with ‘strong boundaries’, but it feels like a 🚩 for people who are able to turn romantic connections into platonic ones. And I agree, it’s healthy (for them) that they can set boundaries that keep them comfortable…it just may feel limiting or toxic for someone on a different frequency is all

1 year

vmarcel

@avatar.keith 🩵🩵🩵

1 year

austinsdalley

I agree with the others, that’s weirdly policing and insecure of him. I think the ideal is a relationship that ends cordially where both parties are on speaking terms, even if not necessarily best friends, so I find it unfortunate that he considers that a threat.

1 year

caio-felipe

@vmarcel yeah I got your point and I respect his decision, but I also think that it shows a lack of maturity 🤷🏽‍♂️

1 year

caio-felipe

And of course I’ll always prioritize my friends that helped me to become who I’m today than a guy who I just met 😬

1 year

thisisjames

@vmarcel I think it’s fine to say it’s a red flag and then also meet them with curiosity and say it feels concerning to create these controlling rules. See if they are willing to listen and reflect.

1 year