It’s crazy how you can go through these cycles of interviews only to be told by their leadership team that you are overqualified. Like YOU KNEW THIS BEFORE SCHEDULING AN INTERVIEW WITH ME. Background: I support CEO’s, ran my own consulting business for 3 1/2 years, and I’m really good at it 😅 been in the game for almost 10 years.

Someone have fun for me tonight! I’m in bed 🛌 I took 2 melatonin gummies, 1 Ashwaghanda capsule, and 1 Benadryl tablet. Time for sleep 💤 I’ve been extremely exhausted this week. Working nonstop on reimagining my startup. But I did receive good news today that I got a job I interviewed for yesterday morning 🙂 Good things are coming!

Wins for today: I helped 2 Muslim women by giving them detailed directions to Eaton Centre, and I helped a disabled homeless man by pushing him in his wheelchair across the street. Honestly, I didn’t want any human interaction today. I wanted to go pick up my food and go back home. That’s why I ordered take out. But the one thing I can’t ignore is when people need help, even when it may inconvenience me. I could have just crossed the street and ignored their request. But I didn’t. I’m already having a flare up today. My stress is high. Low energy. I really just needed to detach for a bit. There’s several things happening. But I showed up anyway. Showing up isn’t always easy, but when it counts, you will know the right thing to do.

After seeing the feather, I noticed it wasn’t supposed to rain today, but it started sprinkling on my walk. The wind was very strong. I sat in front of a tree (facing the south direction), in the distance I could see two boats going in opposite directions. One of the boats was white (heading west) and the other one black (heading east). The tree split the water in the distance and created two paths. I was reminded that a tree was planted on the riverwalk next to the water. So the tree was out of place. In a place that mirrors its environment; but, not its natural environment. Reminded, I not only have a commitment to myself but to a higher purpose. I believe in synchronicities and this was a big one for me.

Behind every gay man is a little boy who was bullied before he even knew why and then grew up in a gay community that just perpetrated the harm. We mishandle each other all the time and it has to stop. We can’t continue emotional adolescence and hyper individuality. Or continue to keep using each other as collateral. I believe we have a responsibility to each other. The app is called Collective

In the last 10 years of operating in the gay community I’ve finally taken the moment to reflect. I often feel like collateral in other people’s narratives. I want reciprocity, not just in energy, but in responsibility. If you’re in my life, I’ll show up with integrity but I expect it in return. I’ve outgrown performative connections, hyper individualism disguised as freedom, and people who don’t know how to process and commit.

I know I can be intense, maybe even rigid. I have high standards, and I don’t rush closeness. I’m not for everyone. I value stability, depth, and showing up for each other even when it’s not convenient. I’m one of the realest people you’ll ever have in your corner ❤️

I posted this under someone’s profile and I thought would share it here “I love monogamy 🙂 It’s perfectly fine for two people to choose each other and make a profound commitment to maintain it. I value things like security, control, emotional depth, loyalty, and clarity. I don’t want to be competing for affection or participating in vulnerability with someone with competing responsibilities. I value mutual responsibility in monogamy and that doesn’t come above individual freedom or your individual peace. I value deep investment, not outsourcing it. There is a shared narrative that I love to see in monogamy, that just doesn’t exist on the same level in alternative structures. I know for me, I’ve tried my hardest not to be fragmented up to this point and I would rather be coherent and aligned. In fact I support polyamory when it’s done ethically, not when it’s supporting maladaptive patterns in adults.” I don’t choose to be around people who are polyamorous though, I’ve seen enough to know it isn’t a value match for me and I choose to be around people that have similar shared values.

I haven’t fully decided what I’m reading before bed tonight. I will journal though ✍🏾 📔 Today was a good day. I set a boundary with an old friend that was needed a long time ago.

I want to say...I’m a guy who is into monogamy, not open relationships or polyamory. I believe in sexual restraint. I love iced coffee and I don’t club, I love diy activities and hobbies. I love masculinity. I enjoy cooking. I go to the gym. I don’t like Beyoncé. I watch the news. I trade stocks and talk passive investing. I work everyday towards bettering the black community. I’m focused on higher education. I believe in family first. And that’s okay 🙂 I don’t believe in the one size fits all approach the community has. I believe there is strength in diversity, but I also believe in cultivating a community of shared values. And a good portion of my values are more traditional. If that’s you as well, you know where to find me!