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Daddy is at the gym @daddy_is_here

Recently lost my life partner of 15 years. Looking for friends, talks, distractions, and connections.
London, GB
fitness
gym
bulking
politics
dogs
photography
design
architecture
tech
over priced coffee
Explanation So, without the videos posting as videos with audio, I realise that nothing I’ve recently (3 months) posted here has made much sense. So, I’ve recently lost my life partner to a sudden and unexpected death. It was just a week after his 46th birthday. The videos have been raw, unpolished and unedited glimpses into the fuckery of grief that I’ve been experiencing.
No edits. No background music. No high production values. Just my open, honest and raw grief.
Will this get easier, ever?
First tattoo time.
Another turn…
Darkening.
Does this get easier?
And so it goes on. FFS, I look like shite. Looking cute isn’t the point right now, I guess. Grief is a strange beast.
A shirtless man with a mustache and stubble is illuminated by red light, looking down with a pensive expression. He is sitting on a couch with a patterned blanket behind him.
Another night alone. Why is it the demons always arrive at this time? The physical fear in the pit of my stomach builds at unexpected speed, galloping through every fibre of my body and rendering me into a jibbering wreck.
A close-up, slightly blurry photo shows two men embracing. The man in the foreground, on the left, is bald, wears glasses, and has a teal shirt. The man behind him, on the right, has short dark hair and a black t-shirt, with his arm around the other
An ancient pic of me and my beloved partner who recently passed away. This was close to our journey of 15 years and I feel so privileged to have had the time with him.
A shirtless man wearing a white baseball cap sticks his tongue out playfully. He is outdoors with lush green foliage and decorative lanterns in the background.
Melting
A close-up shot focuses on a man's muscular legs as he works out at the gym. He is wearing black athletic shorts and blue and white patterned socks.
They’re finally rebuilding after so long injured :)
A man takes a selfie indoors. He is wearing a shirt and has dark hair and stubble.
Is it summer, yet?
Time to chill out 1/2.
A man takes a selfie, shirtless, in bed. He sticks his tongue out.
So early. So sunny already. Could get used to this Med life…
Photo by daddy_is_here
Furry enough?
Photo by daddy_is_here
I. Am. Not. Eating. These.
Photo by daddy_is_here
Does my shower look big in this?
Photo by daddy_is_here
Photo by daddy_is_here
Photo by daddy_is_here
Oh. Damn. Just realised that all the videos I posted here are just silent GIFs….
This doesn’t get any easier.
Rollercoaster of a day.
Still, it gets darker.
Step. By. Step.
This morning was hard.
A shirtless man with muscular arms rests his head on his arm, eyes closed, with a pensive expression. The lighting is dim and casts a pinkish hue.
It’s so late. But cannot sleep. Afraid to. When I doc the demons come. And I experience fear so primal, it feels like physical pain in the pit of my stomach.
A man with short dark hair and stubble is looking at the camera with a sad expression. He is shirtless and appears to be lying down on a couch.
Two weeks in after the death of my soulmate, my love, my rock. It’s late at night and this is when the demons arrive. The fear in the pit of my stomach that wakes me, with a cry. The re-realisation that I will never hug him again, never stare into his big brown eyes, never hear his laugh, never argue about what stuff to watch on YouTube. It’s getting darker, colder, emptier. Honestly, I don’t know how I can move forward without him.
Two children sit on the side of a road with luggage and an umbrella, as the sun sets behind apartment buildings in the distance. The caption suggests the end of summer is near.
The never-ending summer suddenly has an end in sight.
A man wearing a baseball cap and a green tank top poses for a selfie in what appears to be a gym. The lighting is warm and yellow, casting a glow on his face and muscular arms.
Apparently , I should smile more. Whilst at the gym. Whilst working out. Hmmm…
Well, when the weather is like this, what else is there to do?
Time to chill out 2/2.
A close-up shot of a car's rear with the iconic Mustang logo prominently displayed. The image highlights the car's design and details.
Time to wash my horse.
Photo by daddy_is_here
Mood.
Photo by daddy_is_here
If it weren’t for trans women, and trans women of colour, this app wouldn’t exist.
Ditched Netflix. Switched to Mubi. So much better!
Photo by daddy_is_here
The Queen is asleep. So, shut it…
Photo by daddy_is_here
Photo by daddy_is_here
Photo by daddy_is_here
Still think it’s silly when I see how much shit I’ve lifted up. And then put back down.
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