Gabriel (@its-a-gabe) • Collective gay friends app

Gabriel @its-a-gabe

Gamer, amateur photographer, neurodivergent, polyamorous, and a walking contradiction.

Collective reminded me how out of place I feel around the overall gay community and that for the average gay, our culture is solely about going to the gym, posting thirst traps, hooking up, complaining that no one can find true love, and perfectly curated selfies depicting a perfect gay life (perfect food at the hottest spots, perfect travel destinations, perfect clothes, perfect flat, perfect friends, perfect perfect perfect). As someone who had anything but a perfect life, that last bit really irks me, as you can probably tell. This app is a great idea, but I think the execution is severely lacking. We deserve so much more than the exact sort of content you’d see on the more SFW Twitter profiles. I shouldn’t have to dig through gym bros and sculpted twinks to find the bit where there’s an actual community. Rejoice, as this might as well be my resignation letter. I’ll find more joy retreating into my little bubble and not trying to be part of a community that cares little if at all about actual community and culture.

Generally speaking, I think people look for love in the wrong places. This isn’t exclusive to the gay community, but it is exacerbated with how much of an emphasis there is on being attractive before being interesting, on the fact that you need to be with someone to be validated. And then comes the societal expectation that a relationship should be a very specific way, which often leads to one side feeling like they can’t fully be themselves, that they have to conform, hide, and cheat, that that’s what they should do instead of looking for someone who’s comfortable with who they are because apparently, such a thing doesn’t exist.

Not me opening Collective at work, surrounded by colleagues, going on my profile (I don’t even remember why) and completely forgetting that I have a photo there of me in nothing but a pair of jocks 🤭

I’ll be controversial and contradictory, but for a reason! I’d like to throw my hat in the sea of 20yo thirst traps, but as a statement. Here I am, at 32, with my natural body that’s never been in a gym. Here I am showing that gays come in all shapes and sizes, not just 20yo gym rats!

My coworker Jasmin gracefully let me take photos of her on a whim to practice my photography 🥰 I’m not skilled enough to capture how beautiful she is 😅

Collective is supposed to be about finding genuine non-sexual connections with other people in the LGBT+ community, but how’s that supposed to work when the app actively alienates users with a parade of pretty boys posting perfect selfies, sculpted bodies, and a curated version of their lives that looks fun and—let’s not forget—pretty? How are those of us who aren’t concerned with appearances feel included when the app constantly promotes an array of pretty boys that it thinks we might like to follow? When it bombards our discovery feed with the exact sort of content you’d see on Instagram?

It’s a little weird being gay. Our culture revolves around our bodies whether we’re exposing them or admiring someone else. The art we make can be gay, but what’s gay about it? Is it immediately apparent? Is it gay because we make it or because it says something about the gay experience? Can we make gay art without shirtless boys, romance, and flags? Can we have a community without the one thing that brings us together, who we share a bed with? The gay experience is vast and varied, but who are we in the world without that one aspect that sets us apart from everyone else?

I now understand Rihanna and finding love in a hopeless place. I thought that was bs romantic crap for a rubbish Calvin Harris song (that was made astronomically better by Rihanna herself), but it’s real. Love can blossom in hopeless places! And to my love-seeking homos out there, I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to chill. Real love will find you when you least expect, not when you’re actively, desperately searching in clubs, bars, Tinder, and—god forbid—Grindr. I wasn’t looking at all and one day it just slapped me in the face.

Bit of oversharing, cuz I guess that’s my thing: I find it quite awkward to be a wholesome artist as well as an adult content creator and how both affect my life as a whole. The most noticeable impact is in my love life, where I’ve always ended up with wholesome family men who clash dramatically with who I am intimately, which is the same person I present as in adult spaces. I also find it difficult to express myself properly in regular spaces as well as adult-oriented ones. Though we could say that I have two distinct personalities, they’re both me. But I have to mind myself to be a specific me depending on where I’m at. This has led to some weird situations where I almost gave out my “secret life,” the life I have in adult spaces. I wish I could do both at the same time: art and porn. I wish I could talk freely about both, to be my full authentic self at all times instead of only letting one side out lest the other ruins my life.

“ASL?” has got to be the cringiest acronym in the gay community. Age makes sense, but sex and location? Right between “hello” and unsolicited dick pics? Puh-lease 🙄

There. I’ve made an Instagram page for my photography. Please follow and share 😩 I’m getting a camera later this year and I want to start doing this professionally! I’m @gabriel.c.photography on there 👍

I’m calm and collected on the outside. Speaking softly, maybe cracking jokes. However, on the inside I’m running, screaming from the top of my lungs, and ripping my skin off with my bare hands.

It’s 3:10am. I might try and go back to sleep. There’s so much on my mind... I don’t know how I’m managing to keep going, to remain. I’d like nothing more right now than to be reborn as a fluffy cat adopted by a rich old lady. I’m done being an adult and I’m especially done being human. I should sue my mother for daring to put me in this mess of a world.

I’m very proud of this photo, but it doesn’t seem to be hitting the right cord with the Foto community. I’m not sure what I could do differently there to get some more visibility 😓

Another exclusive.

Another one exclusive to Collective. I’m still not sure whether I should post it on Instagram and Foto.

I’m of the opinion that us queer artists have a unique perspective of the world. I was drawn to this image and girl, I have no idea what it says nor am I sure of what it makes me feel, but I’m here for it 😂

Endings are also new beginnings.