Don’t you just love it when the couple at the next table thinks you can’t understand a word they’re saying? The guy was talking absolute shit about me in their language, blissfully unaware I speak it fluently. Then he starts vaping, and the smoke blows right into my face. Cute. I finish my meal, pay the bill, get up to leave, and finally turn to them. “Thanks for the kind words,* BEEP *,” I say to him. Then to his wife: “Congrats on your choice of man, Madam.” His eyes go wide. She looks like she wants to disappear into the floor. 10/10 Pure Satisfaction

These fluctuating weather patterns from ☀️ to 🌧️ each day are giving me headaches