Why can't I just move on from people? - Shina (@shinblue) • Collective

shinblue 4 months

Why can't I just move on from people?

justkp

This is very context dependant, but in my experience, a lot of the time we’re not stuck on the person, we’re stuck on how they made us feel. Especially if there was uncertainty, emotional breadcrumbs, inconsistent attention or mixed signals, as it can trigger a “need to be chosen or valuable” feeling, which is really hard to let go of. Once you realise it’s a pattern and not just them, it gets easier to step back. It was for me 😊 Now I monitor how my body and mind reacts after meeting with people and can now cut the chase short super quickly.

4 months

shinblue

@justkp That makes a lot of sense to be honest. Any time I had a relationship with someone where I felt like there was potential but I wasn't chosen, I stayed stuck on them for a long time. I still don't know how to move on though.

4 months

justkp

@shinblue it’s definitely easier said than done. For me, it clicked when I realised that what I was chasing wasn’t actually what I needed. When you’re genuinely chosen, it doesn’t feel anxious or uncertain, it just feels natural. That’s something I try to remind myself of when I feel those patterns creeping in. And this doesn’t only apply to romantic entanglements but friendships as well.

4 months

lichaaa

I feel you, even when it’s like 1000% sure you’re never gonna be with them anymore.. our silly brain just becomes very stubborn and refuses to acknowledge it. Or more like the heart tries to convince our brain haha. And it’s only one person, for me. I finally moved on (after almost 2 years) so it’s definitely possible, it takes time.

3 months

shinblue

@lichaaa Sometimes I feel like I've finally moved on, but then I realise I'm still holding on to the pain even after letting the person go. My longest obsession took about 4-5 years:)

3 months

lichaaa

@shinblue I understand you fully, and it’s crazy how deeply we connect to a person who we just can’t be with anymore. I feel like we should let go of the idea of “letting go”. The more we say and think about it, the more we cling on. So I like to just stop thinking about it, and if they appear again it’s just like “…so anyway” and move on, and then be proud of yourself for doing that. I’m rambling nonsense, maybe I’m delusional lolol

3 months

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