I believe that someone should be comfortable with themselves. You can kind of tell when someone is secure in themselves—they don’t try to curate an image. If you remain authentic, you will attract the people you emanate, both on a platonic and romantic level

I think sometimes, unfortunately, it is a case of internalised misogyny. The prevalence of masc4masc on so many profiles, and also excluding even the possibility of friendship with those who don’t align with this vision of ‘gay’, is so alienating and worrying. We didn’t fight for liberation to just end up emulating straightness. I empathise with this feeling of unease, I remember judging too, but it was because I wasn’t allowing myself to fully express all the colours, all the moves and way of talking. It was envy maybe at the courage to be that. Even my straight guy friends are more loose sometimes in terms of colours and accessories and body language and expressing emotions now, compared to the usual grid on apps of headless torsos or people pulling cool, neutral, masc-straight dominating/sexy faces and personas. Hanging out and befriending women and trans people and generally other queer people who have different experiences and expressions to ours helps start question why things are the way they are, and who we are or want to be really, authentic and flourishing

@yve omg yes

Hmmm I’m not sure, but perhaps it’s rooted in misogyny. I also came across a post that discussed how men don’t hate gay men, but rather feminine gay men. This makes sense because men are always preoccupied with each other. Could also be related to the fact that these men still have a long way to go in their healing journey and don’t feel comfortable exploring femininity, so they demonize it. Also, I feel like bisexual libido is present in everyone, it’s just society and culture have made it hard for ppl to indulge in it. This topic is such a grey scale. The scale always changes at different places in your life. Personally right now and majority of my life I’ve leaned in the more androgynous/soft aspects of expression and I think that’s just who I am. even tho I grew up around a lot of masculine Muslim men who rode motorcycles and would teach me how to be a “man” etc. actually don’t even know if I can add any insight cuz I’m looking for a man that’s both feminine and masculine lol

Thank you asking the question- it is MUCH needed ! @yve said it all 🥰 I would just add how unfair it is to see the word “queer” being emptied of its meaning so much. By people and by marketing. Some guys wear crop tops to flex their abs on a picture and wave the queer flag but can’t even show sympathy for other types than the toxic beefy masc they’ve put so much effort to become… I’m SO annoyed by that 😖 Whereas I think queering our spaces and relationships should involve more acceptance ( not just mere tolerance), empathy, joy, solidarity towards anyone and any expressions of ourselves.

So to answer better, most gay men relation with feminity is fucked up I think (me included, I mean I can’t flirt without thinking “maybe I should wear more understated outfits, more normal, otherwise I’ll be refused or pointed out”- and I’m not even the gender fluid kind of being), but queer men are ok, they’ll eventually save us all haha

I would consider myself both, I express femininity and masculinity in ways that feel right to me. I prefer to be more nurturing and caring, so naturally my partners end up being more masculine (protection, safety, providing). This is probably why a lot of my dating experience has been with bisexual men

I think unfortunately there's some link between economic recession, rise of authoritarianism and a glorification of masc/butch types in queer spaces, even if it's subliminal. It's a pendulum, people reclaiming the fashion of rural straight guys to work something out, toying with the fantasy of bagging the straight trade, then it turns genuine. Idk maybe i didnt word this very well. Its like how we see super straight guys dressing like 2012 gays lmao I do also think, separately, there is an association of femininity with makeup, fashion, and products, and there are guys who think being gay should mean they don't interact with that sort of thing in a partner. "Not into the scene" types

I have always told myself that I’ve been strictly attracted to masculinity, but I’m finding spots where I have come to adore femininity in other and in partners. I struggle to connect with femininity in myself and I think that’s why I was shut off to it, but there are added layers that I’m just now beginning to enjoy the beauty of. But also, for me avoiding femininity in myself felt like a way to keep myself safe in the Bible Belt. The more I act like a “man” the less I am noticed by homophobes.