It’s 00:23 and my seventh week in hospital. I can’t sleep and don’t know where or how to share how I feel. So maybe here. I miss my identity. I haven’t been in my home or in my clothes for weeks. I haven’t had my coffee from my favourite place or that cheeky pastry on a Friday. The antibiotics have changed how I smell, I’ve not been able to be to the barbers and I’ve lost 12kg. I don’t look like me. Being unable to sleep due to noise, feeling ill and them not knowing what the cause is, well it’s changing who I am. Even as someone who has seen dark days before, I always seem to find a flicker of joy or hope. But now I’m just homesick for a life that I loved. So there we go. I needed to say it somewhere.