Tresponded with a hug emoji. He was always good at that. He knew instinctively how I was feeling. We had both cried to each other on the phone several times at this point, had both expressed the feelings of wanting and loneliness, and though we mentioned dates we'd gone on with others, there was a silent hope that simmered under the surface that perhaps all of these other men were placeholders until we met again. All I wanted to do was to speak to T. I missed him - dearly. If there was a balm for my achy soul, it was him. I knew what I would say, and yet I was too in pain to care how it might affect our relationship. If I risked being too forward, it would complicate things if he didn't share my "what ifs." My throat was practically spilling out of my mouth. I was scared, but needed too much saving to care. I thought carefully before typing, and when I needed to amend, I deleted words and typed again. I hit send and reread the sentences over and over to distract me from wondering if he saw them yet, how he'd feel, where he'd be when he read them, if he felt the same, if he didn't, and most importantly, if I'd fucked up the most nourishing, safe, and consistent relationship I had.