Am I alone here? I’m 28 years old, I’ve only been on a couple of...

Am I alone here? I’m 28 years old, I’ve only been on a couple of “dates” with some guys, but I’ve never been able to get into a relationship that is romantic. I’ve never had a boyfriend and a part of me thinks where I am now, where I’m living, is not helping my situation. I’ve tried apps, but no one is my type. I’m starting to think that my type is beyond my reach and that my type would not be interested in someone that looks like me. It doesn’t help that although the community is inclusive by nature, you still encounter those select group of people who are very narrow minded and only want a guy who looks and thinks like them. They say they preach love, but will reject anyone or not give them the light of day unless they’re tall, of a certain background, and fit. I’m none of those two things and it doesn’t help that my culture is sometimes seen as a fetish. It doesn’t help that I live in a small city that’s fairly conservative. It makes me want to give up on the idea of falling in love. I see couples all around me a lot of them being my friends finding their chosen one and building a life together while I’m sitting alone here with my thoughts, I know I’m not the only one out there going through this. I just wanted to express how I’m feeling. I hope my person is out there and I know that timing is everything but right now I don’t feel a sense of optimism when it comes to love.

dan96

30 here and never had a serious relationship myself. The thing you have to remind yourself is that there is no timeframe, and there is no perfect person. Sounds bleak, but once you can accept that - you start thinking less and less about relationships and more about the person you want to be once you’re in a relationship. Don’t listen to the people saying “they’ll come when you least expect it” or “stop looking” or “you’ll find them one day” because they’ll never understand. Block that out, and just focus on yourself. Treat yourself the way you would want to be treated, it’s the best medicine. Go on that trip, buy that stupidly expensive thing, and don’t ask for permission from anyone to do the things you want to do. Just focus on you and really find out about yourself, you’re gonna be just fine. 💛

1 month

issadwn

Me but I’m 25 in a month

theartfulroger

Enjoy your single time, explore, experiment, enjoy every opportunity that comes along, as @dan96 says, there’s no timeframe

melody

If u need someone to talk to im here for u

hidden

My grandma found her person at 30. And my grandpa was 50 by then. There's literally no timeframe at all. They had more than 20 years of a perfect love and that's all that matters. Although I do resonate with what you said and just the feeling of longing 🫶

staticnovas

Just kinda go with the flow and be yourself. The minute you stop trying to find someone is the minute you will find someone. The universe knows when you’re searching, you’re putting on a show and the universe doesn’t want to give you someone that won’t appreciate the real you. You’ll find your person!

catdad

I had a 9-year relationship dry spell before meeting my husband at the age of 33. I went on dates, but nothing close to boyfriends. I leaned into building community in other parts of my life and that helped me slowly get used to being single and being ok with that. I did wonder if I was doing something wrong, but also my friendships indicated that I was doing something right. There’s no “right” way to get to the end goal (and I have many friends who are still single 40+ year olds); as folks have already said above, there’s no time frame. So try and figure out how to enjoy the time now.

greenroomgeek

I think the advice is to branch out beyond “your type.” It sounds like you’re critiquing others for only being interested in one type, but acknowledging that you are doing the same thing. So stop. It’s a date, not a marriage. Go out with guys who don’t fit “your type.” You might find that “your type” is broader than you think. Or not, but the worst that can happen is you make some new friends. A date is just about getting to know another human.

aleric_

@greenroomgeek absolutely there’s no point in setting yourself up for failure then complaining you have failed.

Dating apps are a terrible sample to draw conclusions about your self-worth from. They are full of catfish, and almost no one looks irl like they do in their photos. They have nothing to do with how people fall for each other in real life. And plenty of couples who are now together would never have matched on an app. So I think a better question is “what happened when I have tried?” Or even: “have I tried AT ALL?” From your post it doesn’t seem like you have. Tough love: you cannot complain about the community being narrow minded chasing after one specific type of man when you yourself wouldn’t give a chance to anyone who isn’t your own narrow ideal. Most people are genuinely wonderful once you meet them in person. Drop your defenses and ask a man out on a date. Expect nothing beyond having a good time in it.