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I think the whole idea of “chasing” love is worth questioning. If you’re chasing something, it usually means you feel like you’re missing something. And when that feeling sticks around long enough, you can start believing you’re somehow incomplete without it. That’s often where neediness comes from. Personally, I don’t think a relationship is supposed to complete your life. It should add something beautiful to an already full life, not become the thing that gives it value. That’s one reason I really liked Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. A lot of it comes down to not looking for fulfillment outside yourself and expecting another person to fill a gap they were never meant to fill 🫰🏽

Making meaningful connections is sort of where I’m at, I don’t think that there is ‘the one’ or that they ‘complete you’ in anyway. The closeness of friends can bring all sorts of different experiences, expanding horizons and challenging preconceptions. That’s what I enjoy!

@theartfulroger yes 👏 I was so busy trying to fit a mold I never stopped to question in my early youth. When I finally stopped, and took stock of what was actually brining me joy I realized—sure it’s compartmentalized and spread out in different ways among different people, but why is that not talked about or deemed worthy? Which got me thinking I can’t be the only one who feels this way.

@akai Very solid points! I know perspectives vary across cultures, but where I grew up, it was deeply ingrained that if you didn't find a partner in your early 20s, something must be wrong with you. Sexuality didn't matter. Single meant unworthy. For me, it was less about feeling incomplete and more about frantically trying to figure out what was "wrong" with me. Ironically, that mindset creates behaviors that push you further from finding someone who adds to your life rather than becoming its focal point. I see so many guys online peacocking. To what end? They're so afraid of deviating from the norm that their prospects may increase, but many are chasing connections with little long-term potential while spending time and energy they don't realize are finite. I'd rather see someone's personality, passions, values, and the life they're building. Sure, that may narrow the pool, sometimes significantly, but at least you're showing who you really are instead of being another shirtless guy afraid to reveal any nuance. Aligning with my genuine desires has done more to reduce my anxiety than anything else. I feel far more free and at ease. I've heard of Eckhart before but haven't read his work. I'll definitely look into it. Thanks for your comment and recommendations—have a great day! ✨☺️

@kc717 I’ve only realised it in last 10 years since leaving my ex and rediscovering myself as an individual. I’ve made some great new friendships, travelled more, been open to things I never would have thought possible had I still been with him.

Absolutely. It’s been a hard change for me who used to live in a more tactile and real social reality . The apps turned everything upside down … real places shit down their doors . People have no will to get dressed to go out and just be open to see what happens … hopefully it changed back to a more real life and less digital interactions .

@luckass hope you’re finding friends on here who are willing to step up x

If romantic love is something you want, you shouldn’t stop chasing it. But also, build your life so that it’s not scary or lonely to be without romantic love. Then it becomes something you’d like to have versus something you need to have. That takes a lot of the pressure off and you can date with the goal of getting to know a new person, not finding a soul mate.

@greenroomgeek amen to that