i slipped on friday after bowling. i broke my sober streak and ended up sleeping with someone i wouldn’t have gone near if i were sober. the flat still reeks of olive oil, my bed’s a mess, and i’ve got this gnawing anxiety about a meeting tomorrow — even though it’s supposed to be my day off.
my head is pounding, but instead of eating, i’ve been glued to porn for hours. not that eating would help much anyway; i’d probably end up throwing up whatever junk food i find in the fridge, like i always do when i realize another “sober streak” has ended. it’s been a day and a half since i last ate.
my body aches all over from dehydration, and i skipped another beat81 class today — the very thing i schedule on weekends to keep myself from going out. i can’t even handle something as harmless as bowling without spiraling.
still, i made it to day 20. twenty days without drugs or alcohol — the longest streak of my adult life, and the third longest stretch this year without using. a very tiny small victory, a silver lining perhaps! okay here’s to hitting the 30 day mark in 30 days.
this sucks bad.
