I’d say it’s a kind of strength. Maybe not the easiest kind to carry, but the kind that comes from learning to handle things on your own, to endure, and to keep going. But I also think there’s another kind of strength that sometimes takes longer to learn: realizing that asking for help doesn’t take away from the independence you’ve built. You don’t always have to prove that you can do everything alone. Being strong isn’t about never needing anyone. It’s knowing you can stand on your own, while still allowing someone to be there when you need them.

@pedro_nuno_pinto you wrapped up the whole point of my post beautifully :) That’s exactly what I meant to reach and also what I have been going through. I’m not trying to prove anyone I can do everything on my own but for some reason I still have to understand about myself, I can’t ask for help although I already know it is one of the things I’m hurting myself by. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness and actually it takes courage and strength to overcome your pride and ask for help when you need it.

An opportunity to learn why and if you want to change that.

Strength and weakness are not as polar as we tend to think. Too much strength can end up crushing what supports it. And weakness is the point where brittleness and flexibility tend to meet at. I’d say that not being able to ask for help because you are afraid of needing it is the kind of strength that crushes you. Perhaps you can take it, but at what cost ? I believe that true help only can come to those who help themselves, and that includes recognizing the point where weakness is the only thing keeping you from breaking.

I suppose it depends. I need to understand what you mean by the phrase “not being able to.” If there are external circumstances that prevent this-maybe you’re a stranger in a strange land, or isolated in some other way. But if it’s just because of some psychological block a fear of being seen as weak, then that’s another matter.

I’m not sure I’d frame it as a strength OR a weakness. From my perspective as a coach for gay men, I’d be more curious about the why behind not asking for help. Is it because you genuinely enjoy being self-reliant and have the capability to handle it yourself? Or is there something underneath it - like “I should be able to do this myself,” or “asking for help makes me look weak,” or “I don’t want to be a burden,” or “I can’t trust other people,” or “I need to stay in control”? The behaviour itself isn’t necessarily the issue. The question is whether it’s a conscious choice or a pattern that’s running you. So perhaps the more useful questions are: Why don’t I ask for help? What am I afraid might happen if I do? What am I protecting myself from? And what is not asking for help costing me? Sometimes self-reliance is a genuine strength. And sometimes allowing ourselves to be supported is the greater strength, because it requires vulnerability, trust and the willingness to acknowledge that we don’t have to do everything alone. Less judgement. More curiosity. That’s often where the really interesting answers are.

totally agreed with @pedro_nuno_pinto and, to add on to that, I also think we shouldn’t force ourselves to believe that we’re always going to be strong. There will be times when certain challenges or life events force us to ask for help because alone we won’t get too far. Recognizing that need for help will both save us from going thru that alone and will make us stronger for the next time we face something similar.

@cesar01 I understand your point. You’re right that they’re not as polars. It gets hard when you know that not asking for help is not a sign of strength and as you said sometimes weakness is what’s holding you from breaking but you still feel unable to ask. To show that you need help. Not cuz you’ll think less of yourself if you do but cuz you are simultaneously dealing with many other struggles in your life that you’re scared you may lose control if you show your need for help.

@casbahmike my point was on the second one :)

@mozzer these are the right questions to ask. Sometimes the person is just afraid they may lose control of their life cuz they are trying (and have no other choice) to hold everything together. You mentioned this as well. Showing vulnerability may look scary when you are at a stage that the only feet there are to stand on are yours. You may have learned that asking for help is the greater strength too but you may feel like that it’s not the time and you just have to hold everything together on your own for an incalculable period of time and you don’t know the price you’re paying for it.

I think sing of strength, but in life sometimes we have to swallow our pride and ask for a help form loved ones