A little of both.

What even is modern love, though? As in, finding love online? Not to be cliche, but I think love is love. You either click with someone or you don’t. Dating might seem difficult now that so many people seem more concerned with living fast and online, but I think it’s always been difficult. You’ll always have to compromise in every relationship, so it’s best to do so with someone you genuinely love instead of someone you’ll “make do” with, to put it lightly. And I think the secret to finding someone you love is, funny enough, to stop looking. Every single time I was fine on my own, happy with and by myself, I met someone completely at random who rocked my world. Every single time I went looking, I only found disappointment.

@casbahmike I feel like its a definitely a good blend of both too.

@its-a-gabe I think for me “modern love” is searching for authentic connection in our world of endless options, blurred boundaries and evolving expectations. Do you possibly think that maybe when we are looking for “the one” we subconsciously put out expectations on them. When they don’t meet these exceptions we created, we then feel disappointed?

@nc180 yes. Definitely. I think “the one” is a trap for everyone involved. No one’s perfect and everyone will disappoint us at some point, one way or another. No one can meet anyone else’s expectations, really. We’re not just different people, we’re all very different little worlds with our own issues and peculiarities. The secret to a happy relationship really is finding happiness within yourself instead of projecting it on someone else. Share your happiness with someone instead of having them be the reason for it.

@its-a-gabe 💯 💯 💯

@its-a-gabe I agree that “the one” is a trap! No matter how strong the emotions are, our first encounters with someone are generally much more a matter of infatuation or physical attraction than anything on which we can base a sustained relationship. There’s a Tom Robinson/Elton John song, “Never Gonna Fall in Love (Again)” that has the lyric: “I’ve been in love three times this week I'm just about to fall again.” 😂 Moreover, sometimes we fall in love with someone we’ve known a long time, and sometimes the relationship with the one we “settle for” grows so strong that we can’t imagine life without them.

i believe in creating the love we want. relationships take effort on both ways to work on being better partners to each other each day ❤️

I would say choosing is more important than creating

@lololorenzo Hmm? Good point. I don’t know about more important, but certainly equally important. You can build a lasting, fulfilling relationship with someone who just isn’t right for you. There has to be give and take.

@casbahmike For sure! Just my last relationship was with an avoidant who didn’t (or doesn’t) give or take😂 that’s why I have this choosing people is more important idea

@lololorenzo gotcha! Honestly, I think that unwillingness to compromise may be more common now than when I was dating due to social media. If a couple can’t reach an agreement on something, they can so easily find lots of other people to tell the uncompromising one that he’s actually in the right, even if only because they want to hook up with him! And dating apps are constantly showing us that there are SO MANY available guys out there who seem like they may be a more perfect match. If we’re in a gay friendly urban area, they may be just blocks away! We forget that people only represent their best selves online, and that’s if they’re honest at all! We only really learn who someone is over time, and we can never know them fully. Moreover actually, people change. People in relationships with uncompromising people, whether it is just one partner, or both, grow apart. But if both are willing to compromise, you grow together, both as a pair and individually. It sounds idealistic, but I can speak from experience that it can be.

@casbahmike yeaaas, that’s why I don’t have any dating apps now, really prefer meeting people off line, getting so tired of swiping the best version that they chose on dating apps, also I don’t want resume my whole life and my personality my everything into few sentences in the bio. But somehow recently I feel isolated, that’s one thing I found since I did a lot personal development, the more I did the more I feel isolated, like put myself totally away from people. Then I found this app week ago, and it doesn’t have that much obvious intention weather is sexual or not, just posting some thoughts or daily life makes me feel less isolated. Thanks a lot for sharing 🙏

@lololorenzo thank you for sharing! Loving this app and community more and more~

For me, I need to know if you’re doing the shadow work, received shamanic initiations, gone to therapy, been in transformational ceremonies…all to be able to see the bird eye view of what arises in relationship, it’s about having the capacity to move through medicine of relationship without getting lost in a story and unconsciously acting out patterns/trauma.

i believe all relationships are about co-creating. the trick is we are co-creating regardless of whether or not we are consciously doing it. commitment to growing with someone (as an individual and as a co-creating partner) and sharing a vision for the future is really all that’s required for a successful relationship. this is true for friends and other loved ones too