i just want someone who gets me, not only that but someone who wants to know me. every time i talk to someone on the apps, im always met with conversation that burns out quickly because there is a lack of want or curiosity. it’s always, “hey how are you?” and never “hey, mercury retrograde is messing with me right now, how is it for you?” the how are you’s seem routine based, and don’t even get me started on when someone just says, “i’m good.” like excuse me??? do you not care how i am? immediate no no. i’m just so over it. the last guy i had a genuine conversation with who knew how to keep it, i found out a week later that he has a girlfriend. not in the chill-polyamorous way, but in the she-doesn’t-know-but-she-knows-tove-lo kind of way (iykyk). i also had a meaningful conversation from grindr of all places and learned how he was homeless in college and lived in someone’s shed in the backyard with no AC in the heat of August. it was beautiful, all the stories he told about being on drugs and not really caring about anything except the experience of what it’s like to be young back in the 2000’s. and then just like that, i’ve never heard back from him again. but i understand some connections and conversations are made only once and never again. i just seem to ponder on my ex more and more due to not having someone new in my life since. the memories unravel through inanimate objects, a laugh i hear in a restaurant, songs i know were written about him specifically, and my mom has brought up missing him a suspicious amount of times lately. there aren’t enough words to embody how im feeling. i don’t even know what i feel most days. but to sum this all up… i crave for someone to drive me up the walls. challenge my routines. take up space in my life. taste when i’m hungry. deal the cards with me. i’m not sure if this makes sense whatsoever. but this is how i’m feeling right now.