Somewhat confusing to me how my friends, family, and colleagues seem...

Somewhat confusing to me how my friends, family, and colleagues seem to appreciate my calm and “nonchalant” personality while it seems to bother partners or dating prospects. Also interesting seeing the discourse online around dating those kinds of men. I’m naturally a very calm and composed person, and even when I laugh or talk, fully engaged, I’m just not overly expressive. It’s my natural baseline, so I don’t intentionally try to hide my emotions or act distant to seem more “mysterious” or feel superior to others. It’s just how I naturally am. Feels very discouraging because oftentimes in dates or romantic relationships, it feels like I can never exist without people analyzing me and collapsing what they interpret from their readings of me into the most threatening possible narratives and thus pull back in response. Masking it by feigning emotiveness resolves this in the short-term, but it drains me very quickly. Not sure if I’m missing something about how I come across to people or if my personality will always come with this by-product.

dimis

I turned 28 two months ago, and I've just realized that for the past five years I was trying to see the whole world, driven mostly by pain and unresolved conflicts from traumatic experiences in my past. Along the way, I reached incredible heights, but it still wasn't a life of joy and real happiness. It was an escape, not the kind of creating I always wanted my life to be about. My past shaped my life, but it didn't shape me. Now I'm coming back to myself, and I'm open to something real and constructive. I feel free now.. 🫂

tscarfox

This week has been as adventure. Amidst the time of year at the new job, my body has developed a kidney stone, and it took several days of labs to solidify that diagnosis. Here’s to hoping the next few days fly by, and I get back to normal.

hobbledehoyhorseradish

Husband (right) and I (left) are both heavier people. I made this account to hopefully make some new queer friends. I am only here for friends, as our marriage is monogamous and he is the love of my life. But…I was adding some people and i observed something really off putting. While adding people in the “non-binary” and “women” categories, there was a large assortment of different looks, body types, and presentations. However, looking through the men and every single one is shirtless with a 6 pack and short hair. Where’s the diversity guys? Why do you all look exactly the same?

_miles_

Are you autistic by any chance? Not saying that specifically only applies to that but it is a trait.

1 month

juvenlee_surrealart

I'm very expressive. I can be non chalant but between the two, because your post has got me thinking- my husband is very non expressive... almost maybe maladaptively so.. haha (but that's another story..)- is ✨communication✨ I think as long as your able to communicate well- your likes, passions, thoughts, feelings, ideas either/or is perfectly fine. I think the main complaint about people being non-chalant, in dating, isn't their laid back attitude or minimally expressive self- cause like I said, I married one, it's that persons inability to communicate well. So yeah, communicate effectively, engagingly, openly and I think you should be ok.

doctor-moose

Your friends and family have different expectations from you than potential romantic / sexual partners. Those are very different dynamics. Also friends and family can accept/ adapt to/ tolerate personality traits that would not be tolerated by the partners Don’t change yourself. Communicate your nonchalance while dating a potential candidate. If they’re no comfortable with it, then that’s not your person Also on your end you can also ask the other person about their preferred love language and see if theirs is something you can do My two cents 😎

pha.

@juvenlee_surrealart & @doctor-moose - Very much appreciate the input!