Probably super heteronormative to most ppl and doesn’t fit their lifestyle

Multifaceted answer I’m sure, but my first guess would be lack of app filters and people who aren’t honest about their needs

There are so many ways to answer this. I think the main issue is that we (especially gay people) often use social media and dating apps as the primary and even exclusive way to meet sexual and or romantic partners. These dating apps create the impression of endless choice (especially in big cities). Therefore when people feel they have unlimited options, they can become less patient, less invested, and more likely to keep “checking the market.”

Many guys I met also want the benefits of intimacy without the responsibilities of commitment. Some people want affection, sex, emotional support, attention, or validation, but not necessarily accountability, exclusivity, or long-term planning. So they may say “I’m open,” “let’s see,” “I don’t like labels,” or “I’m not ready,” while still enjoying relationship-like access to someone. Some of them are truly afraid to make the wrong choice of partner so they never truly decide by choosing to stay open. Also gay men were historically excluded from traditional marriage and family models, so many built alternative relationship cultures; app culture is very sexualized; and some men separate love, sex, and partnership more easily. In general relationships are less controlled by religion, family, marriage pressure, and social reputation than before in the western world (especially for us gay people since our existence is taken as an abomination). People now have more freedom to choose, leave, delay commitment, explore sexuality, or refuse traditional models, Like many of us do.

Because we have a lot of choice out there and in the dating app

Early on in the relationship, when you’re getting to know one another, I think it’s normal to be dating more than one person. It takes time to decide if you’ve found someone with whom you want an exclusive relationship, but I also think the other replies are correct. The apps give you a sense that there are countless other hot guys out there who are interested in you and that you might miss your chance at finding your Mr. Right if you invest in a monogamous relationship with one guy.

I think if you want monogamy, get off the apps and meet people in person. Im not and haven’t ever used the dating apps. They’re hook up driven. I need to get to know someone for awhile before sex can enter the chat. Im very up front at what Im looking for as well. It weeds guys out pretty quickly. But I agree, monogamous relationships in gay culture is super rare. Makes me kind of sad.

@ecrook Unfortunately, for many people, especially those not in an urban area where there are places to meet other gay people, the apps are the only safe way to make gay friends, let alone identify potential romantic partners. This is also true in places where around the world where homosexuality is still a criminal offence. I’ve lived in both situations, so i speak from experience. But in general, I think you are right. The apps are not the place where one finds an LTR.

I think it’s more so about honesty and intention, but factors like hookup culture definitely make a huge impact on gay dating scenes. I’ve met plenty of couples that are open or polyamorous and have healthy relationships with one another bc they communicate beforehand about what their true intentions are. I find a lot of guys misuse the terms “open-relationship” or “poly” when in reality they just want a pass to be with whomever the desire, which is fine too but not the same concept (to my knowledge there are still rules or boundaries for couples under the open category).

@bald 💯 there has to be trust.

Cause love and sex is not the same thing

I was monogamous for 23 years. Im again only into partners who will be too. We are out there. Just not a lot of us. 🤷🏻‍♂️