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Guys, how do you handle physical comparison with other men?
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With lots of anxiety
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japds
Depends on the day, and the other body. Not always I feel attracted to well defined muscles, so it won’t bother me. But sometimes I feel that some kind of men won’t be attracted to me, so I end up wishing for more muscles and such.
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erythros
@japds What about the face? I have not that much trouble with not having that much muscle because it’s something that I know I can eventually achieve with some effort. But it’s very very difficult to change your facial features…what are your thoughts on that?
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japds
@erythros one or other things we can do. Not saying any procedure, despite being possible. The ideia is not compare with others, because it’s impossible to look like someone or have the same features. But we can experiment. Try different hair cuts, wear the beard in other ways, use accessories. The point is trying until we find combinations that make us feel good. We don’t need to look like other man, only to be fine with ourselves.
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erythros
@japds It’s easier said than done though 🥲
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japds
@erythros for sure. Dealing with things related to self esteem is not easy. But there’s not other way than trying. It is good to be validated by others, sometimes I crave this, but let try things for ourselves.
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erythros
@yungreggy Lucky you 🫠 were you always like that or is it a learned behaviour?
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Through logics: Everyone’s got a different body. They will always look different. Idealized canons are pure conventions, it’s up to you to follow them or not.
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erythros
@jon_jacobsen This I think is a great take. I’ll try to think about it and apply it to my daily life -even if unfortunately the comparison isn’t primarily driven by logic, but rather by emotional factors-.
hidden
@erythros I totally get it. Dealing with emotions isn’t easy at first. But when you start seeing them as opinions instead of facts, it can really help. It’s a great way to stop comparing yourself to others.
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erythros
@wassilis This isn’t really helpful unfortunately. I know that there is no need for that, but comparison is a natural instinct of all human beings. Being same-sex attracted probably makes things worse, since the object of your attraction is the same as you.
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erythros
@jon_jacobsen There is however a general consensus among who is more or less attractive…I am not convinced this is entirely up to opinions.
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@erythros interesting. And what deeper desire might be driving the need to compare or seek acceptance in that consensus?
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erythros
@jon_jacobsen I think the deeper root is the idea that if you’re not beautiful enough, in the end you’re not worth of love and attention. That is how I think it works for me at least. I crave the attention of beautiful men because I feel the need to be validated and accepted by them. Like I belong somewhere in the end.
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fleaskinny
goes on for as long as you allow it to
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fleaskinny
@erythros absolutely not! Still happens lol. You just gotta choose your battles. What do you want to keep letting take up space in your head? You are in control of your thought space and patterns. Know what you already bring to the table.
hidden
I often had the envy/curiosity to switch bodies with someone else for a day, wondering how they’re being treated with the (presumedly) different/higher attractiveness/facial features. This didn’t exist for me until social media. I think I was fine with the way I looked, and completely unaware of there being a scale/ society putting us in categories or analysing those features. I’ve seen how different I look in mirrors, phone selfies, 80mm telephoto lenses on cameras. Sometimes I close my eyes and run with my hands over my face and body and try to embrace it. I hate this hyper awareness and anxiety that came from curating our looks online. As you remarked there are different hairstyles to experiment with. I like those timelapse videos of people taking a picture of themselves every day for years. Looks and attention sometimes also depend on how one carries themselves. Thanks for starting this conversation
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https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/understanding-how-to-improve-body-image-in-queer-men
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erythros
@yve Yes, social media definitely made the situation worse for everyone. But I can assure you I always had that in me, especially when I was closeted. It was like I was invisible because no one was hitting on me.
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Ask some of your former girl classmates if they knew you were queer and I think a few of them might admit they had a crush on you
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I’m also sorry you experienced it. I think talking and sharing how we feel helps. As does being supportive and complimenting each other
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erythros
@yve Well no girl ever tried to hit on me so I’m a bit afraid to ask…but I don’t know if it would make that much of a difference anyway.
saochiang
Remind myself that I go to the gym for health and longevity, visual aesthetics is a nice secondary boost. But that came from seeing a therapist and getting medical tests done due to genetics…. Not sure if that helps any. 😅
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soupwaylee
I saw a tweet once which said that you exist because a long line of people fell in love with someone who looks / looked just like you. It feels somewhat reassuring to me (in theory) haha
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jandre_moreira
I have ADHD so anxiety is part of my daily basis. I'm currently doing psychotherapy and, step by step, I'm learning to not compare myself to anyone. Their time is not my time, their body is not my body and my struggles aren't the same as theirs. I have my own pace, my own body, my own struggles. Everyone's different. Everyone has a different story, a different personality, a different lifestyle. I can't compare myself to others and this mindset is helping me out so much, for the long run. We're all beautiful in our own way and we'll all get to the place we need to be in life, some sooner than others, but we'll get there 🌸 Some days are harder than others, but of it as it is: a bad day. A bad day doesn't mean we have a bad journey ❤️
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noahbds
it is so rough — but in my experiences, looking to appreciate things about myself and even moreso think about the fact that *I wouldn’t want to wake up being anybody else* tends to keep me grounded
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erythros
@noahbds A lot of very attractive guys are commenting/liking this post. This is actually comforting by itself: knowing that that cute guy may have your exact same body issues. After all, as you say, it’s not like they can be anyone else than themselves. I think shifting the perspective like this is actually helpful.
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eu.josh
I try to keep myself busy and work on myself, thinking and comparing about other won’t bring anything positive to me. No one knows how is really to be in someone’s shoes and the person you’re comparing with might be struggling internally as much as
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erythros
@eu.josh The thing is, even if I know this person has worse struggles than mines, I still envy him because I think he has been blessed with a beautiful face. It’s a bit sad, I know, but that’s how I feel.
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eu.josh
@erythros that’s require a lot of work from your part, but the best you can do is admire. Then try to go past the looks and get real interested by the person. Learn to look more into you and appreciate your own features, everyone is uniquely beautiful
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kings_world
we are all just geometric shapes and sacred cells the only thing you should compare is heart ❤️
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