I’ve been depressed af but I’m back baby

Septoplasty chic

I think that’s one of the strangest things about losing someone who is still alive. Nothing disappears all at once. The person leaves first. The habits take longer. The conversations you continue inside your head take even longer. And the future might be the last thing to leave. I don’t only miss you. I miss things that never even happened. Trips we talked about but never took. Summers we never reached. Ordinary Sundays. Getting older. Going to the swimming pool, just the two of us Spending one New Year’s Eve together.

this seems kinda ridiculous, convince me not to delete

There are still things I want to tell you. Small things, mostly. A plant I finally learned the name of. Something stupid one of my cats did. A sentence I heard on the street that would have made you laugh. A tree somewhere in Berlin carrying fruit, the kind we would have stopped to inspect as if discovering it ourselves. Sometimes something happens and my first thought is still: I have to tell you this. And for one tiny second, you still exist exactly where you used to. Then I remember. There is nowhere to send it anymore.

Nothing to say, still depressive bitch

Ironic that the adrenaline experience my friends had booked me months and months ago landed exactly when I was signed off for burnout and told to rest 🥴 I did the skydive anyway. I figured in years to come I won’t remember how cooked my brain felt at the time, I’ll just remember hurtling to Earth at 125mph like a fuckin’ dart.

Patient satisfaction scores through the roof today ;)

Body dysmorphia was hitting hard this week, so naturally I needed to cut my own hair🥸

Here we go again - #🐻

Confessions to the moon The most intimate thing, for me, is not kissing you, nor holding you. It's talking to you about myself. If I give you my body, I can take it back. But if I give you my thoughts, it's like giving you a piece of my heart. And when you leave, you take with you the deepest part of me — the one I'll never get back.