My controversial opinion: Men who throw their ig on their dating profiles aren’t looking to connect. They’d likely only engage with guys they matched anyway. What they are doing is inviting random men to follow, like, and boost their ego. Oops. Tell me I’m wrong.

To be honest I always provide my IG account just for people to see more of me besides the six pictures you can upload there. It always give you an idea about a person (if they actually post ofc). My account is open so there’s no need to follow me to see the feed and stories.

This is the best example of two things can be true at the same time. Both are exactly true- love this

@ahmd yeah I don’t share my ig until after a couple dates. I also don’t want my socials filling up with missed connections lol

@itsdil you’re wrong

@me_tony curious as to your reasoning in your experience

@itsdil there’s a guy on here who goes around and matches with people, tells them he isn’t on this app much and to add his Instagram. And he never follows back or engages there. I’ve also seen that kind of messaging on Raya and Hinge. It’s gross. But I’d also say that is a very different thing to someone just including their social media somewhere on their profile. I agree with @grabari - 6 photos don’t always communicate who you are fully. And to me, while social media isn’t the be all and end all, it can be helpful to giving a good insight into a person, their way of life and their personality. In this instance, I wouldn’t say these people are being ego driven or follower harvesting. And as such, I’d be hesitant to paint all of those who do this with the same brush.

@jason. @grabari I see where you’re both coming from. Though, I personally think socials are tough as a personality gauge in general because they are so curated. If people are truly interested in genuine connection, shouldn’t a well made profile (6 photos and thoughtful prompts) be enough to match with someone, chat a bit, or meet and see what their vibe is? I guess my follow-up for you both is this: have you ever come across a profile with an ig, been on the fence, and then used it to decide yes or no on a match? And in that case, do you feel it gave you a fair assessment of who they are as a person, or just whatever online presence they’ve created? Lbh, social media presence is a skill like anything else. It might siphon people out if they’re not good at creating the “right” image, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be a great match in real life.

@grabari I do the same, I rather share my IG that is public and anyone can see than having pictures of me on an app I mostly use to hookup. Genuine connection comes when it comes, no matter the platform. I met my current bf on grindr and our profiles weren’t complete. :)

@itsdil I always apply the same rules for myself, as I do for other people. So with Instagram I treat it as an extention of the dating profile that shows off me better than 6 pictures and bio. To be completely honest (and not humble) I see myself as a handsome, funny and smart guy with an interesting job and social life. But when it comes to putting together a Tinder or Hinge profile, I feel completely lost and I never feel like it represents me well (enough). Suddenly I have nothing interesting to say, no funny catchphrase to put in a bio and while selecting the pictures I’m like „do I look like that or is it a catfish at this point”. So for me to have the possibility to link my Instagram and someone to check my feed and most of all stories, it feels more representative although ofc, Instagram is carefully curated too but I feel like it gives more of a 3D look at me comparing to flat dating profile. And I check people’s IG for the same reason. It gives you more detail, background, friends in common, sometimes it helps to start a conversation with a specific question. And yes, I didn’t swipe right a few times after „inspecting” someone’s Instagram because just the vibe was not right. Having said all of that, of course I agree with the fact that many people use it to gain followers but for me it’s very instinctual, I can always feel if that’s the case or not.

@pierito oh, and one more thing - if someone is crappy at handling social media meaning it doesn’t look well „curated”, it’s not like super aesthetic whatever, it’s a turn on for me and I’m like YES GIVE ME THAT MAN NOW.

@itsdil I would argue hinge profiles are even more curated than social media. 1 - you only have 6 opportunities for photos/video + prompts. The limited space means people are even more intentional with what they choose to portray them. 2 - since the intent is to date/meet people/etc, people will naturally choose pictures that portray their most positive features, be it physical or otherwise. So for me, including my social media is actually inviting people to see a more holistic representation of me. I think if people are interested in genuine connection, including their social media isn’t for the purpose of gaining likes and follows as your original comment suggested. I like to think they’d be doing that sincerely and with the intentions I’ve shared above. To your follow up: absolutely I have, in both ways. And yes, that may inadvertently mean I don’t pursue things with people that I might have a good connection with irl, but i definitely feel it gives me a more rounded perspective than their hinge profile. It’s helpful because it actually helps me gauge more of their lifestyle and personality rather than just their 6 hottest pics. I look at whether or not their social, active, what are their interests, do they have a sense of humour, how are others interacting with their content, etc etc. I’d be interested to know - do you feel like social media is a private/more intimate thing or a broad, public expression of your life?

instagram only serves as social linkedin and removed the intrigue of getting to know someone without any pretensions. a picture can say a thousand words and i think everyone’s been getting the wrong message.

@jason. @grabari I really appreciate both of your takes, and I think the way you use ig seems to be genuine and wholesome. But I also agree that use is not universal. I feel like if we’re relying on ig as a first filter to decide whether someone is ‘worth our time,’ that says something about how deeply we’ve slipped into hyper-onlineism. Yes, ig can show more than six hinge pics, but the gag is, it’s still just another 2D version of a person. If we’re all craving real connection (like we say we are on hinge), I wonder if we lose something when we use socials for that. Just as a thinking point, if I think about my long term best friends, before social media was really a thing, social media became more of a way to keep in touch and see what they are up to, rather than a means to determine how well we would connect.

@jason. Ig definitely used to be a broad expression of myself when I was younger. As I came out it also became a way to see and connect with other queer men (ie eye candy lol). But growing up in Canada, most of those men were cis white guys, and constantly comparing myself to that standard chipped away at my own sense of value. I’d be jealous of the parties and acceptance that never seemed open to me (even in gay spaces). And on dating apps, ig follows often felt hollow without any kind of follow through on communication or meeting. And I didn’t want to be explicitly confronted with all these men living their ‘best lives,’ without an interest in getting to know me. So I purged my ig. Now I try to keep it to close friends and family I actually engage with. At the end of the day, I’m not a celebrity, and I don’t need to give strangers access to my life whenever they want.