The immediacy is the exact opposite, but neither is the slow crawl. Nothing about it is rapturous. It's like a 90s rom com, on television. A scene takes place, music tells you what to feel. You don't have to worry about jump-scares, or provocation. You don't have to worry about guilt, like a distasteful food fight over honed concrete tables. No, it's nothing like that. It feels good, someone should be guffawing through that door right now, and a laugh track would play. I used to have the answers for everything. Now, I have answers for some things. When my mom passed away and none of my siblings- 6 of us all together, reached out to see if I was ok- I couldn't make it. Every year I spend a small fortune to see them and send their kids gifts, and very little to nothing is reciprocated. It tore me apart. I just wanted to know the reality I was making decisions in. It's simply inappropriate to give to those who don't see you in the same light, yknow what I mean? Tomorrow we're going to a fundraiser. We deep cleaned all of the bathrooms, his was especially filthy. The floors were swept and mopped. It's all squeaky. There's no swelling madness. No lines extending into eternity. I'm so excited to see what tomorrow brings. I told you, it just feels good right now.