@os2026 Not strict questions, more like open threads.. Moments when you felt deeply seen (or deeply missed) by someone close. What was happening? What helped, or what didn’t? Totally up to you what you want to share!

I carried a lot of the emotional weight while he stayed focused on his own path. I kept adjusting myself, moving my life around, trying to establish myself in his country so that we could have a future. It felt like something i was supposed to handle rather than something we were building together. We were always planning the next practical step instead of paying attention to how we were actually doing. After a while, the relationship stopped feeling like care and more like a business contract. I often felt undervalued and underestimated and that shaped the way I showed up. I became quieter, colder, because I didn’t know how else to cope. And he had his own ways of pulling away. I don’t think either of us had the emotional tools then to recognise what the other needed. We were still growing up in many ways, and sometimes people grow in directions that no longer match. We learned things from each other, and some of those lessons will stay with me. What we had slowly fell apart not because of one moment, but because the distance built over time. By the end, there wasn’t a version of us that made sense anymore. I’m at peace with that.

@gibson Wow thank you for sharing this Travis 🫂 It’s so honest and quietly powerful. That feeling of carrying the weight alone, and slowly drifting into roles instead of connection… it really hits. What you said about the relationship feeling more like a business contract than care is such a clear way of putting what so many people experience but don’t know how to name. Totally feel you and I had a similar experience in my past relationship :/

Sign me up

@thnhdlng time for an update call!! 😍

@thisisluis What you said about performance in your 20s vs now really speaks to something I’m writing about — how intimacy shifts when we stop performing and start being. Therapy + reading + time really are a kind of emotional training ground. Appreciate you sharing this Luis 🙏🏽

How about seeing a relationship and partnership through the hard times and accepting and learning to love more freely and without expectation. Letting go of the present feelings at times so they can express and be themselves fully. Surrendering to the unknown and trusting love will find a way. I’m someone who who’s been one half committed and loyal while my other half acts out ENM and open. I personally chose to not explore this and stay in my heart and what I valued. 13 years in, 4 years open and I remained a committed loving partner. He asked me to end the open part this summer but by last winter I was on here and looking for love, as crazy as that might sound. I know there is someone out there that will fully appreciate me and not take any advantage of my heart or kindness 🫶🏻

@gibson I had a similar experience as you. I felt very lonely, unloved, undervalued, not enough, unattractive till the day I couldnt handle with it and blow up.

I can relate to that! I have really not being curious enough as I grew up with a very cautious mindset and socially distanced because I didn’t feel safe enough in interactions, with a fear of conflict escalating things. It has gotten better though but it really is lots of practice, especially in my closer relationships. And I’ve now surrounded myself by very authentic and open minded people so I feel like I can be equally authentic, especially with my open minded partner who listens and wants me to express all the feelings regardless outcome, conflict or not 💙

I feel seen when I can be open with him when I’m struggling and he doesn’t judge, he talks with me about it and does things for me. Seems obvious perhaps but it’s not easy to find someone you can be honest with in that way. I guess it’s like you’re saying about being curious, allowing others to be curious about you too

@luizensaad I hear you. Feeling unseen or not enough wears you down over time. It takes a lot to reach that breaking point. I hope things look different for you now.

@vincentthefox Thank you for sharing this Ian — especially the part about growing up cautious and needing safety to even begin practicing curiosity. It really does take time, and the right people make all the difference. Sounds like you’ve created something really solid with your partner ❤️

@luizensaad That kind of loneliness inside a relationship can be so hard… like a slow quiet build until something just breaks. You’re definitely not alone in that experience :(( Thank you for sharing it here Luiz 🫂

@jont Thank you, Jon I feel what you’re saying. That kind of openness without judgment is so powerful, and honestly, not easy to find or offer. I’ve found myself trying to be that calm, open partner but sometimes I struggl. I noticed that the role of “the calm one” started to stick, and that made it harder to show my own messier emotions. It’s something I’m still learning: that mutual care isn’t just about how I show up for them, but also letting them show up for me. Such a good reminder that curiosity and honesty have to go both ways…

I think for me is not being my true self because I felt like ashamed or scared of sharing parts of me. Automatically the person just sees the surface and it is hard to connect with the surface of you yearn for something deeper. Also I’ve experienced lack of curiosity from partners. The desire to know more about you, why you think the way you do? What your preferences are ? What your experiences are? Your goals and values? I think it’s just the general lack of curiosity and showing of affection that makes a person feel unseen

@kennyekums I get what you’re saying, Kenny. When it doesn’t feel safe to open up, it’s easy to stay on the surface, even if you’re craving a deeper connection. And honestly, when the other person isn’t genuinely interested, it’s like you’re not even there. You‘ve summed it up perfectly - thanks for sharing 🙏🏽

@g.erardo oh wow thx for sharing - that sounds like an intense experience… had a similar one in my mid 20s and I know how hard it can be 🫂 not that it’s hard by itself but then also going through a breakup can be so challenging 🥺 do you feel better now?

@g.erardo understandable and good that you’re feeling better now Gerarod ❤️ On the one hand I’m collecting experiences for an article about this topic but the bigger project behind it is an AI I developed to help explore the hidden logic of our minds. It’s in beta and I’m testing it with a small group of selected people, so far very positive feedback 😊