Ouf. I’ve struggled with that. Still struggling. I think the answer would be hitting the gym, losing a bit of fat and gain some muscles so I look sexier. But I’m not sure I like hitting the gym and following strict diet enough to make this happen.

still dismantling the harmful practice that “if my body is not tea then no one will want me.” literally clicking collective reinforces this mindset, ofc its good to take care of your body in whatever manner that gives you joy (gym, skin care, walking your dog, stretching). i keep telling myself that im multifaceted and compassionate which are traits that keep the interest in relationships; ofc we want to be desired, but are you able to be understood. we have to make that clear to ourselves first which is a long process. hope my random thought helps

Would highly recommend reading the velvet rage. Some things may have changed since it was written but it’s still super relevant every gay man should read it. Helped me more than I was expecting 🤍

I’ve found it helpful to lean on those around me for support. Granted, that’s much easier said than done but the more you do it, the easier it gets. I’ve also found it helpful to leave myself lil love notes around my space, like on a bathroom mirror or a computer or what have you. These serve as lil reminder that I have & always will be a baddie, period. That said, I think a lot of people struggle with these issues at one point or another. I really encourage you to take things one day at a time (or even one minute or hour at a time) & try to be as gentle and compassionate with yourself as you can. You’re gorgeous no matter what society tells you, babes. 🐬

@chrisangus thanks, it seems super insightful. were there any points in the book you disagreed with?

@sadplantboi my FRIEND said this was helpful. seriously though ive noticed that having good friendships helps the most. I try to keep my standards high but unfortunately they apply to me. Luckily my close ones have noticed that instead of telling me i’m always loved, we make more progress when they tell me to snap out of it and realise my own worth for some reason 😅 it’s a gradual process!

I don’t know how to deal with it but I do feel gay men are very good at commenting on other people’s looks all the time. For example, I went to a gay after-party and someone said to someone else that his hair looked like a wig. Then that was all this guy was thinking about that night. Was both sad and fascinating to see. In my own group of gay friends people are mindful of these things and don’t make such comments. So maybe if you try to find a diverse group of friends that are thoughtful about these things that might help. 💗

This app helps .. being just some randoms surrounded by people with this exact mentality makes me feel not so alone

I absolutely think straight people struggle with the same. I’m on here in terms of social media, but no where else really at the moment and taking that step away has been really nice. I wasn’t struggling with it, but it was impacting me negatively, which I see now that I’m not on it. I was tired of the content being socially isolating (hardly anyone I followed or knew personally), hateful/negative shit, ads for things I shouldn’t spend money on, etc. all of which puts you in your head and makes it very easy to compare yourself or think negatively about yourself. I’m actually connecting more, and in result I’m seeing more examples and hearing stories of real struggles that we just don’t see or are not posted about on traditional socials. So if you’re on those, maybe take a pause and in the day to day you’ll see “oh these people around me are struggling too” and it helps. And you can maybe help them too in the process which feels good.

Tbh I think it is universal but the things I found when I had dead self esteem was taking a random selfie of my face each day to get used to by face so at least I would find it neutral rather than bad, looking for nice things on me and everything else eleven if tiny so looking for the good was the main thing, and also recognising that everyone is ugly to someone and everyone is the most beautiful person in the world to someone else.

Well, I don’t think your sex preferences influence whether u love yourself or not, and if not how hard it hits u. I guess I can understand u on topic “feeling unattractive”, but in my case( worked it through) it was about- if I’m not an ideal nobody cares about me n nobody needs me, but u know, it’s not how it works))) then I have a problem and now I’m trying to deal with that, when people’s saying to me that I’m pretty I just don’t believe them, and if u ask me do I feel pretty, or attractive, I would say: “I guess, but not always, when I keep my face in that bitch face etc” but I know that I am very handsome, it just so fucking hard. Is there a cure - well maybe, but I haven’t found it. I don’t think I’ve helped ya, but babe ur awesome the way your ure, ure worthy, and i wish u very good luck on this fucking journey

You’re making the right questions! Low self worth is a belief, and a belief is a thought that plays on loop to the point that it becomes subconscious or “automatic”. the moment that you question where does it come from? You get access to the programming and you get to change it. I started 5 years ago by reading Louise hay you can heal your life, and I must say it change the way I look at life profoundly. You deserve to feel good about yourself simply because you exist!

Hi ‘friend’ achieve the best version of yourself, accept it, focus on those who find you attractive and look at your mental health constantly 🫶🏼

Personal experience: I started by validating and letting my feelings flow more. Then I was able to accept and validate more of myself. I’m not done but I’ve changed a lot. And also, no one is alone, we all have insecurities and issues, while we believe others don’t

oh i love you all youre so insightful 😭💗