In recent months, I’ve been grappling with what seems to be an increase in perceived attractiveness/attraction from others. Often caught in the array of ideas, work and my own life, I struggle sometimes to truly see myself how the world does. I envy it sometimes… Perhaps that’s the beauty of it. Would the sun still be the sun if it felt the way we do after experiencing itself? Hyperbolic but the point stands

(Fallen Angel) 🪽 I wish you didn’t romanticize me Let that holier than thou Ease itself Till everything subsides Let me just be me. I can’t be the lightbringer When I can barely piece my life together It’s too high of an expectation For you to believe How I’d save you When saving anyone has already passed my mind I can’t live in a way Where each step I take Makes someone decide whether…. If right and wrong is out of sync If life and death burrow deep inside Or how you can rewrite yourself into living again.

“How to Let You In” It's been a year, Till you opened the idea of futures. How I was meant to meld with you. Pretend it didn't hurt all over again. We walked through capsuled memories, With my hand gripping the mournful truth. That person I was, existed no more than the house on Wallace Street. The air was crisp, And the sun did set. It was like all those years ago, When birthday wishes didn't hold up, And the thought of you burdened my mind. Four years later, Somehow I haven't learned to give up. That the way you unsettle my life, Tilts my ear to care, Even knowing it still hurts.

I’m at the corner of the bench Half my ass hanging in the air Someone tells me how they know you I don’t catch their name from there Everybody’s talking sideways I nod along like I’m aware Laughing when the others laugh “Yeah, yeah,” like I’ve been listening to them. Someone asks me something directly “What?” “What?” “Sorry, what?” Now I’ve heard it. Now I’m answering too much. But they’re loud, I’m mellow I’m far gone “Hello?” Smile like I can hide it I think I’m fine but everybody knows But I’m always subtle When I’m feeling solo I feel weird I think I’m gonna go I’m at the corner of the table Waiting half a second more Try to slip into the talking Someone gets there just before There it is, the perfect opening Now I’ve lost what I was waiting for “Sorry, what was your name again?” He told me forty minutes ago. I’m at, at this party Is it just me or do you feel insane? Someone glances down the table I look down and rearrange my face Relax the smile Uncross the arms Lean a little forward Not too far I feel weird I think I’m gonna go I’m at the corner of the stall Fluorescent light above my head Cold water running down my fingers Checking if my face looks red Look myself over in the mirror Like I’ve got somewhere else instead Little confidence Just enough to go back in Open up the bathroom door. My seat’s taken. Fine. I’m at the corner of the bar Standing behind somebody I know Waiting for whoever they’re talking to To look at me and say hello “Taylor Swift? Ew! No way!” Too loud. Too fast. They laugh, so I keep going One sentence past where I should stop Nobody laughs at that one. Heat climbing up my neck They’re loud, I go low Drink until I’m gone “Hello?” I think I’m fine but everybody knows But I’m always subtle When I’m feeling solo One drink Then another Then another Then another They’re still finishing their first. I feel weird I think I’m gonna go Has it been long enough? That’s the question now. Whether I’ve stayed long enough that leaving won’t become a thing. I find the person who invited me Tell them I had such a good time Hug somebody whose name I missed Tell everybody, “See you guys” I’m at the corner of the stall One last look before I go A little water on my face Another line for the road. Someone’s looking lonely. Looking like me. I think I know his name. I’m at, at this party Is it just me or do I look insane? Maybe no one saw me doing anything Maybe no one thought about me either way And they’re loud, I’m somewhere else now Coat on, heading downstairs Everybody keeps on talking Like I was never really there But I’m always subtle When I’m feeling solo I feel weird I think I’m gonna go I’m at the corner of the street Cold enough to feel my face Waiting underneath the tram sign Going through the night again Every introduction Every answer Every joke The thing I said too loudly The thing I should’ve left alone Their face when I was talking Was that their face? The tram comes. I’m at, at the corner by the window Watching Bourke Street slide away Every light becomes a mirror Every mirror plays the same The same version of the night One more time against the glass I feel weird. I think I’m gonna go.

🏳️‍🌈 Looking for queer people aged 50+ for a small architecture project! Hi everyone! 👋 I’m currently working on an architecture project about a co-living space for elderly queer people, and I’m looking to speak with queer people aged 50 and above. I’d love to hear about your experiences, thoughts, needs, and what makes a place feel like home, community, and belonging to you. ❤️ The interview would be a friendly, informal conversation and would take around 30–45 minutes. If you’re 50+ and queer, and would be open to having a chat with me, please send me a DM! I’d be really grateful for your time and perspective. 🌈 And if you know someone who might be interested, please feel free to share this post with them. Thank you! 💜

Today was challenging I’d been feeling like things were going a little backwards with my social anxiety I had a lot of overthinking and just kept to myself but I pushed on through and managed to talk to one new person today at the gym then as I was leaving a guy I spoke to last week came up and said hello and I left feeling like I’d managed to turn an overthinking day around and end on something positive

🏳️‍🌈 Queere Menschen ab 50 Jahren für ein kleines Architekturprojekt gesucht! Hallo zusammen! 👋 Ich arbeite gerade an einem Architekturprojekt über einen Co-Living-Space für ältere queere Menschen und suche dafür queere Menschen ab 50 Jahren, die bereit wären, mit mir ein kurzes Interview zu führen. Ich würde gerne eure Erfahrungen, Gedanken und Bedürfnisse kennenlernen – und was für euch einen Ort zu einem Zuhause, einer Gemeinschaft und einem Ort der Zugehörigkeit macht. ❤️ Das Interview wäre ein entspanntes, informelles Gespräch und würde ungefähr 30–45 Minuten dauern. Wenn du 50+ und queer bist und Lust auf ein Gespräch mit mir hast, schreib mir gerne eine DM! Ich würde mich sehr über deine Zeit und Perspektive freuen. 🌈 Falls du jemanden kennst, der Interesse haben könnte, kannst du den Beitrag natürlich gerne teilen. Vielen Dank! 💜