“Greg McKeown, author of the book Essentialism, has emphasized the power of pruning our own lives, of prioritizing the pursuit of less, but better. His philosophy is “not about how to get more things done; it’s about how to get the right things done.” It’s about spending your energy mindfully, and only on the things that truly matter to you. Weeding out the bullshit. Excavating the underbrush.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​“ - R. Christiansen, The Guide To Becoming Alive Weeding out the bullshit. things that truly matter to you.

Ok so I am 47. Just came out to myself less than a year ago. Been doing a LOT of soul searching, journaling, all the things (the cottage has figured heavily into my recent life lol). My question is this: is there anyone else out there coming out later in life like me? What was it like for you? What were those first few dates you went on like? What surprised you? Have you noticed that you are discovering other things about you that aren’t specifically “gay” but are definitely related to coming out to yourself and others?

Am I alone here? I’m 28 years old, I’ve only been on a couple of “dates” with some guys, but I’ve never been able to get into a relationship that is romantic. I’ve never had a boyfriend and a part of me thinks where I am now, where I’m living, is not helping my situation. I’ve tried apps, but no one is my type. I’m starting to think that my type is beyond my reach and that my type would not be interested in someone that looks like me. It doesn’t help that although the community is inclusive by nature, you still encounter those select group of people who are very narrow minded and only want a guy who looks and thinks like them. They say they preach love, but will reject anyone or not give them the light of day unless they’re tall, of a certain background, and fit. I’m none of those two things and it doesn’t help that my culture is sometimes seen as a fetish. It doesn’t help that I live in a small city that’s fairly conservative. It makes me want to give up on the idea of falling in love. I see couples all around me a lot of them being my friends finding their chosen one and building a life together while I’m sitting alone here with my thoughts, I know I’m not the only one out there going through this. I just wanted to express how I’m feeling. I hope my person is out there and I know that timing is everything but right now I don’t feel a sense of optimism when it comes to love.

: Today marks ten years without alcohol, and while I’ve written before about the love I felt for all my past selves, on this day as I think about the last time I ever drank and the years prior, I’m channeling my love on just one. Love for the reckless one. The one who once felt like wasted potential. It had been the end of a fourteen-day bender when I took stock of where my habits had led me. I couldn’t help but connect the streak of blacked out weekends with everything that was ailing me both physically and mentally. I remember those sixteenth months of a depressive episode that seemed to have no end. My body is still marked with signs of that era: a scar on my face I don’t remember getting, a fractured hip bone from a drunken fall through my apartment’s roof. Countless times before, I’d entertain the thought of giving up drinking, but I couldn’t let go of the euphoria it would bring despite how short it would last. Despite the toll drinking took on my body, despite the shame and anxiety I would feel the mornings after when memories of the embarrassing, violent things I had done would start to piece together, I held onto the delusion that all of this was okay. Every drink became a way to fall deeper into that delusion, but that summer morning, I decided to face the truth head-on. It was scary to admit my recklessness. To recall every stupid thing I had done and said. To feel regret knowing what I could have been had I never drunk. What I’ve learned from these years of sobriety is how scary sincerity can be, especially when it comes to being sincere to oneself. I can think of so many times where I was caught in delusions of denial and insecurity, where it felt easier to run away than to take an honest look at myself. But facing the shame gets easier each time. I’ve chosen the clarity of feeling every emotion that makes me human, even the painful ones, for I’ve seen how they’ve grown into something beautiful. So today I feel humility. I feel grace. I feel love. Love for the reckless one who had the courage to be sincere. For the one who recognized that a life without drinking still contained so much potential.

Noes for Radical Living „Make friends with chaos Let things shake Forgive human frailty Champion second chances Defy unkindness Reverence fellowship Listen to the quiet Respect the young Seek growth Trust in change Treasure learning Inspire faith in evolution Reach beyond the binary Be wary of the doubtless Honour the bright-headed Grow plants Be electric Cherish language Dance daily Sing into pain Challenge assumptions Follow the wind Look upwards Face forward Read history Open your ears Drop your shoulders Bend your knees Raise the roof Keep breathing Be trustworthy Take care of yourself Believe in goodness Head for the light.“ by Tilda Swinton

How to build a queer 15-minute city and find friends near you Have you heard of the 15-minute city? The dream is simple. Everything you need to thrive, like work, food, and culture, should be within a short walk or bike ride from your front door. While urban planners focus on bike lanes and grocery stores, we need to be enriching the social atmosphere within those 15 minutes. It is about giving a bit of yourself to the neighborhood, being seen to bring the other queers out of the woodwork. Becoming the neighborhood mother There is a specific kind of power in being the local expert. When you know which cafe has the best Wi-Fi for a Fake Gay Job co-working session or which park is the safest for a late-night walk, you become a source of shelter for the community. We should all strive to be the neighborhood mother who nurtures the social circle. It is about getting to know the people you see over and over again. It takes immersing yourself in your space until the other queers naturally come out of the woodwork. Scouting the nest and anchor cafes Creating a 15-minute queer city starts with identifying your anchors. The move is to find local cafes or bars and really invest in them. Talk to the owners, plan a social night, or simply make it your regular co-working spot. You may already have your own anchors, but it might be worth asking around your Collective matches in the area. The queers may be hanging out in the cafe a couple of doors down from your usual spot. When you and your queer friends decide on a shared anchor, you’re creating a space where people can show up without a plan and know there is someone to talk to. By establishing multiple third spaces, like the park where you do yoga, the run club on the corner, or the bookstore with the good lighting, your 15-minute social city actually comes to life. Navigating the urban sprawl struggle Not everyone lives in a dense, walkable city center. If your city is car-centric or the public transport is a nightmare, building a 15-minute queer city requires a different kind of intentionality. In these spaces, the move is to find the hubs. Look for a place with everything located just one trip away. It also takes showing up. If your city isn't walkable, support the lone cafe that has popped up in your neighborhood to keep them around and start the movement. Use Collective to find other queers in your specific suburb and find a midpoint. Whether it is a specific trailhead or a suburban coffee shop, creating a local stronghold is even more vital when the geography is working against you. Head to the Discussions tab and post about a local business you want to support or a new spot you’ve been dying to try. Ask the members nearby where the next anchor should be. Get closer to the 15-minute social city of your dreams.

my brain feels nice and foldy again after having deleted tiktok. like everyone is so fundamentally unhappy bc their attention is being jerked away from them every ten seconds to experience heightened emotion as a substitute for real life human experience. like i have started to read a lot more and it feels so fulfilling to nurture my curiosity with dedication and deep understanding rather than cheap summary