I have a degree in music. But at the end of my junior year, the sadistic, outgoing head of the music department tried to crush the spirits of all the music majors (I know it wasn't just me because music majors talk) and it worked. I decided to completely give up on my plan to be a music teacher and only finished that degree because I was so close that even if I switched to a different major, I'd have not saved any time in terms of what year I'd have graduated. So I finished that degree, then got a second BA in art (I guess I never wanted to make any money). Left college in a relationship (that lasted 12 years) that I now recognize to have been mentally abusive, where I was made to feel like I wasn't good enough to accomplish anything. Assumed I wasn't good enough to set foot on a stage again, so I didn't. Fast forward to 2015 when that relationship ended and I moved to a new city. A chance encouter gave me the opportunity to start doing improv and I almost turned it down, but thought "no, the whole point of what I'm doing right now is trying to get back out in the world, try new things and meet new people," so I went for it. Ended up doing improv with that organization for 5 years. Then the pandemic hit. As things started opening back up, I decided to start pursuing my real love in the performance world; musical theatre. Took my blank page of an acting resume (literally all I could say was I had a degree in music and had done improv) and auditioned for a community theatre production of Hairspray. At 41, I managed to get cast as a swing for two tracks that were literally supposed to be high schoolers. Since then I've been in 6 different shows including a few principle parts and even one lead. I just got hired to be a professional Christmas caroler this year and will be getting paid to sing for the first time since I was in college. It took more than two decades but 44 year old me is finally living the life that 18 year old me always assumed that I would. Occasionally, I still get a little sad about all the time I lost NOT doing what I wanted to with my life, but then I remember that I AM doing it now. Don't give up on your dreams, you can accomplish more than you think. And if you do find you've given up on something important to you, it's never too late to start back at it.

In the search for excitement, we loose the slow breaths of the present. We primed our bodies to rush into things without savoring them, observing them or digesting them. Chemistry is not attraction. Excitement often leads to disappointment. Not because it bad, all the contrary. It’s because it takes up space from being in the present. I rather feel enjoyment, and that’s only found through presence. Learn how to neutralize excitement. And you’ll savor every interaction, no matter how brief they are.

Have you ever had friends who every single time you hangout just make jokes at your own expense? I had this friend that I knew for almost 10 years. We were pretty close, but every single time we hung out he constantly would put me down for my job, how much i make, or just anything else he could think of… I would just ignore it or laugh it off most of the time. But, after a while I couldn’t take it anymore and cut him out of my life. The people in my friend group i guess liked him more than me because i never really hungout much with them after that either. Sometimes I feel lonely because it’s so hard to make new friends in your late 20s. But, if that is what friendship is like I’d rather just be alone. Can anyone relate?

Vanishing Am I being swallowed, or have I simply yielded to the seduction of the firmament? No soul was fashioned to be manipulated—not even by its own hand. These vessels that bear our essence are fading into the blank fog. Some have already dissolved into the unseen. Flesh departs alone, but the spirit leaves as starlight does—never truly extinguished, only returned to the boundless heavens from which it first dreamed. Yet, for a fleeting moment, we linger, encapsulated in boundless light, reluctant to return to the ground—as though the heavens had whispered our true names, and the earth no longer remembered them.

I’m old enough to be dead in gay years and very happily married so maybe I have some life experience that might be worth passing on based on the posts I read here. I see lots and lots of people lamenting the fact that they can’t find their soulmate. I empathize and I get it, but I want to let you all in on a little secret. You will never find your soulmate, because they do not exist, at least not yet. What you might find if you’re brave enough to look for it is a lot of interesting new people who are less than an ideal match when you meet them, but as you get to know these people, genuinely for who they are and what makes them interesting, not for how they might fit into your life, you might discover that one of them is especially interesting and you’ll start to shift a bit, and they’ll start to shift a bit, and eventually you might just BECOME each other’s soulmate. But you won’t start there. Dating isn’t marriage. Dating is about getting to know another person (more than likely, many other people). Go out with people you might not usually go out with. Don’t be picky. I’m not telling you to settle, but I’m telling you that everybody (even you) is a work in progress and if you pass on people who aren’t perfect for you today, you won’t be around when they become perfect for you tomorrow.

Today I want to share something very personal. Something that was, in many ways, harder for me to admit to myself and to others than being gay. My disability. It is frustrating how easily people dismiss disability when they see a young person. I cannot count how many times I have heard “but you are so young” as if youth automatically means health or if illness only becomes real when visible. I wear a sunflower lanyard, which represents disabilities, that are not obvious from the outside. In my case it means AuDHD, cPTSD and anxiety. It also means that standing or walking for more than 15 minutes can become painful, and also means bowel problems. But here is the painful part. When I do not wear the lanyard, people treat me as if I cannot possibly be disabled. I am just a young guy, who looks “normal”. So people cross boundaries, question or judge me. For several times I have been pushed out of disabled toilets just because some people decided that I was not disabled enough. And when I do wear the lanyard, often people treat me as if I am less intelligent or less adult. Withouth the lanyard, I am not disabled enough. With the lanyard, I am too disabled. And somewhere between those two projections, the real me disappears. This is something I have experienced not only in general, but also inside communities that should know better. Even within gay spaces, once people see the lanyard, the distance appears. The conversation changes. And that hurts a lot. Apart of being gay, or disabled, I’m also a refugee. Often, each community understands or accepts only a part of me rather than the whole, judging the other sides. I do not want to hide my full identity inside a community that knows what it means to hide parts of yourself just to survive or fit better. So I end up belonging everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I just wish people understood that invisible does not mean imaginary and that the world is more than just black and white.

growing up gay in a small town high up in the mountains in southeast brazil brought me experiences that my queer friends from the city didn’t have. when you’re from a place like that, you’re never just yourself. you’re “fátima’s son” or “dora’s grandson” and so on. the family tree hangs over you, casts its shadow. not because my family is not supportive, they are and i’m grateful for having them. but coming out is not private, it’s a very public event. it runs to every branch, it can affect the people you love. so you try to leave the closet to fit inside a drawer, then a box, then a tiny space between two books in the shelf - anywhere you might fit, even if it’s too small for you. doesn’t feel like freedom, feels like novelty for a sec before you realize the cage is even smaller. for me and for most, you have to leave to the city, where you can finally break free (ariana don’t) but you miss the trees and foggy mountains you could see from the tiny window on your tiny compartment. maybe someday we can have it all.

I wanted to be vulnerable with my collective alogorithm. I have a little over 100 followers and I’m not sure if even more than 5 see my posts or shares. I’m an artist that grew up in the Hamptons on Long Island 🏝️ NY and I’ve been a business owner for 6 years now. I have 8 cats! A partner. And I’m not always happy these days. I turned 37 in June, I’m a summer baby, you’d think the summer is my JAM! It used to be, life is different now. Balancing the adult with my want for my inner kid to be the one steering the ship, creating, adventuring, being free from judgment and resentment. I have a longing to still create a career in music, it’s been my first love for all these years. I have a mature heart and I have a unique perspective filled with Love, Loss, grief, and finding myself in this world. I’d love to put it into the music. Any producers out there want to connect?! I really want to grow and find independence. I want to find love again and being in love with my partner and life. I love being in love. Truly. Anyone looking for a serious love and chill man on this earth I’m looking for you! ❤️‍🔥

My girlfriend’s entire family is Mormon. I was so worried they would not accept or understand me. I am happy to say they have been more accepting than some of my own family. I would love to hear folks’ stories of unexpected acceptance. For me, this is an example of freedom and independence. Much more than I’ve felt towards the country/people so many are celebrating this weekend. What the government/politics represent at this time are not something I want to celebrate: control, hate, misogyny, etc. As I have been saying to anyone who wishes me a Happy 4th, “enjoy the long weekend!”

I remember you. Sweat glistening, Shirt off, On the street in Brooklyn. Black rimmed glasses, You got on at 49th st, Blond and tall in your suit. I remember you. Your bearded face and stolen glances, Walking through the sloping grass, Down towards the Pacific. You took my order, And said ‘welcome back’, I might have blushed. I remember you. ‘Hi how are you?’ Passing by with your dog, In Provincetown. ‘Hey gorgeous’ Unwelcome whisper in my ear, On 52nd and Broadway. I remember you. Post workout, Eating alone in your tank top, Physical. My nerves tensed, Walking close by your side, At the car show. Alone. I remember you. “Alone”

I had my first kiss at Pride in Toronto! Honestly, there’s not much of a story here. I was browsing handmade jewelry, and noticed a little sign saying something along the lines of “my ugly broke ass boyfriend broke up with me, so she’s and they’s- let’s kiss!” I was super awkward about it ofc - pointing at the sign and saying “do you wanna kiss?” Haha. Thankfully they were very sweet, and I walked away happy with the jewelry and the experience. I’ve always wanted to have my first kiss at pride - as an aro/ace lesbian, this was pretty perfect :)

On a second thought about White Fragility I think that the most important binary to dismantle is Bad person == Racist person. None of us thinks of themselves as a “bad person”. We genuinely believe (and most is correct, I’m sure) that we can be called a “good person” or at least we do not belong to the “bad person” category. This therefore exempts us from thinking that we may behave in a racist way or that we may have racist beliefs and biases. Aka - “Racism is bad; only bad people can be racist, right? Hence this is something that does not apply to me. I am not a bad person.” And just like that: whole conversation killed even before it started. Simple and effective avoidance strategy. Second one to dismantle would be: “I didn’t have bad intentions therefore I cannot be at guilt and my comfort needs to be protected. I cannot feel uncomfortable in this conversation”. Well, f-you. Intentions do not cancel the effects of actions, nor our comfort is required for the anti-racist argument being brought against our action.