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The Grammar of Red I carried the pomegranate as one carries a secret star— wet with the dark between the teeth of heaven. To be open: the forest inside the wound, the swan’s vanishing scent on the wrists of dust. Your eyes— two eclipses learning tenderness. My hands, an abandoned sky. Between our lips, the small, ferocious astronomy of unshed blood. At sunset, even the gods forget the grammar of light. And what is the heart but a red heresy against stone, a chamber of seeds refusing the singular? I have loved you with the ruinous candour of fruit: no skin but the thinnest dusk, no defence but sweetness, no secret the mouth could keep from its own hunger. Outside, the stars go on practising their ancient indifference. Inside, the crimson gathers. I do not wish to be unbroken. I wish to remain permeable to the terrible, the tender— to let the world pass through me without becoming its wound. O my heart, little orchard of the unburied— bleed, if you must. But let the blood remember it was once light.
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Uh oh I am stuck between taking the safe route and settling for a normal job or taking a big creative risk that I’ve always wanted to do despite being broke, and unfortunately only one of these options intrigues me
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i just overhead a man say “Bulgogi” in the deepest British accent and i had to lock in so hard to not drown in a mouthful of soup 💀
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Irish Stew It's amazing how five ingredients can bring you back to a moment sitting in someone's kitchen. The comfort, warmth and love of a person distilled down to something so humble. An impossibility because she felt bigger than the world. Potato, onion, carrot, stock and a packet of mince beef. Alchemy, magic passed from hand to hand, generation to generation. A love spell in its purest form. A welcome home, a rainy day, an army to feed. When it arrived in a bowl, placed on a plastic table cloth, a big squirt of red sauce, if her love was in doubt, on first spoonful, you felt it in your soul.
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How can someone say they had sex with someone while thinking of their partner ?, it’s the most weirdest statement I have ever heard . I think we can agree you never loved your partner in the first place
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A little life update! ❤️ After four days in the hospital with COVID following my second chemo, I’ve been back home for a few weeks now and I’m feeling much better. My third chemo is just a few days away, and I honestly can’t wait to get through these months and start feeling like myself again. For those of you who have finished chemo, what was life like afterwards? Did it feel like you could finally move on, or did the fear of recurrence stick around? I’m so ready to put this chapter behind me, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared of what comes next. Almost halfway there: three down, three to go. 🫶🏻
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“Home” 11 years since I was disowned. I have moved 12 times since. When I am asked “where is home?” I find myself not complete in my answer. Sometimes I mention the last place I lived or where I was born. Rarely do I talk about the shared twin beds of past lovers. The cold room in flagstaff. Shared meals with coworkers who were family. I am 11 months in this town. Am I home?
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Every time I tell people that NBC Hannibal is GAY they think I’m being funny but like no like those two men are like extremely toxic for each other but also obsessed with each other (in the gay way) (canonically. ‘Is Hannibal in love with me’ is a real quote that Will says. The show is actually gay and you can tell because of how in love they are with each other on account of being queer)
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It’s been a wonderful 3.5 years working for Alexander McQueen but before we move onto the next thing, I kind of want to share some of my proudest moments from my time here!
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sabotage i think this weeks theme is self sabotage for me personally. i met this guy at my job and he says he wants to see me or go on dates but then i misread things. im so used to men only wanting to go inside of me instead of getting to know me from the inside. i cave in to this mindset by sending pictures or being overly sexual when maybe it is all in my head (no pun intended). when i do see him, he gets awkward which is normal but also he is hard to pinpoint in what he wants. he says im mysterious, which is a huge compliment imo, but he then tells me he has stuff to do when he originally planned to spend an hour or so with me after work. its just confusing on what he wants and i automatically switch my brain to sex sex sex and more sex. there is also another man at my job who is a regular. married ofc. but he is the sweetest and i love getting hugs from him. it feels like an emotional connection i can’t seem to distinguish from those available. not saying i would ever go after him whatsoever, but in general, emotional connection with men is something i haven’t experienced much since my last relationship. and even then, i’m unsure how much of it was authentic due to all sorts of reasons. i was listening to ‘sex star’ by troye sivan and it resonated insurmountably. i’ve always thought being a sex star or sex object is my role but not on my own accord. i definitely have thought about a career doing it but in most ways it’s to find my creative freedom. i’m an artist. i write songs. i write poetry. i collect. i have so many interests and desires but it all comes to a stop because i self sabotage. i could have a relationship if i only believed one could exist without ulterior motives. i could have time for my art if i believed it could go anywhere. i sabotage myself at my job. in therapy. with my friends. with life in general. i’m trying to escape it the best way i can.
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Great Coat! After about a year (most waiting to try to get the right fur for the linning) my first leather and fur coat is done! It weight 8lbs hahahahaha. As soon as it gets cold enough to wear it, I get some Good pictures of me in it, then Ill post them! Took like 2-3 months of hand sewing on days off to make most of it. If anyone has experience with sewing action back pleats on a coat, I have some questions for you!
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Also, Bruno loved the platform shoes so much, production paid for a pair and then he bought a pair for himself for the extra lift 😂😂
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I’m suddenly overcome with the desire for a septum piercing. I don’t even have any piercings. I just need that one. Now.
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Last Thursday I found out that an acquaintance had suddenly passed away. We didn’t know each other well, but I had the chance of working on a project together and we ran into each other recently at a bar in Stockholm. He was always a positive and energetic person that I enjoyed talking to. Even though I don’t know the cause of his death, it was a reminder for me that we all need to be a little more conscious of the people around us and how fleeting life can be. So take a minute to call someone you haven’t talked to in a while. Take a few minutes out of your busy schedule to drink a coffee with someone. The world will be a better place if we spend a little more positive energy on the people around us. If you ever need help or just someone to talk to, please contact a friend, a colleague or a family member. And if that’s not possible, try finding your local helpline at the link below.
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Dating ❤️‍🔥 Do you give someone a second date because attraction can grow, or because you’re afraid of ruling out a good thing too soon?
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Anybody wants to join our collective book club? We’re desperately looking for a token lesbian🥲
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having a crush on your friend sometimes just hurts so much 💔
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nobody wears a leopard print jacket paired with a hot pink beanie like a Londoner does
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If my close friends were only a little less straight they could tell that I‘m queer so damn easily because honest, recently I’m so obvious 🤣🙈🏳️‍🌈
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Anyone else loves to dance alone in his room at 01:00 in the morning plasting the gayest music there is
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Some Unfinished Notes on the Ethics of Wanting —— There are evenings when the sky forgets its own grammar— clouds suspended like unfinished sentences, light breaking against the ribs of glass, and I, a body of unanswered verbs, walk through a forest that keeps rehearsing absence. I have no god to accuse. No altar where I can place this ache like a bowl of overripe fruit. And yet—something unnamed moves beneath the soil, a patient intelligence of roots and dark water, a grammar older than belief. To that— not deity, not mercy, not design— but the quiet mathematics of becoming and unbecoming, I speak. Take it, I say— this surplus of reaching. This body that keeps leaning as if another shore were promised. Take the river out of my veins— or still it, at least, so it no longer mistakes every stone for the beginning of a bridge. Because everywhere— in the curve of swan-feet tracing water, in the pollen-drift of late afternoon, in the sudden generosity of sun on bark— the world conspires toward union of seasons. If there is a force— not god, but something quieter, more exact— the way light edits shadow, the way pruning teaches the rose its restraint— let it come with its invisible shears. Cut me back to clarity. Strip the branches of this wanting. Let my hands forget their hunger for another pulse. Let the glass of me hold only sky— uninterrupted, uninhabited— a clean expanse where no face forms from breath. Because I am tired of mistaking every reflection for arrival, every echo for an answer, every soft thing for a promise. And yet— even as I ask for erasure, a leaf falls against my shoulder with unbearable gentleness. And I understand— the forest does not remove its longing. It learns to carry it as fragrance, as shadow, as the quiet, persistent greening of what cannot be touched and will not cease. —- S•S
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I don’t need someone to call me handsome I need someone to be supportive of my delusional artistic aspirations
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What’s your favourite emoji? I’m tryin to see smthn
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Trying something new out would like to make more gay friends where we can just chat about life have a wine and movie night build real relationships
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be honest: when did you feel truly vulnerable?
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How do you tell someone that they made you feel that you were capable of loving someone again? How do you tell someone that you’ve known for 4 days, that they made you feel special and HOT. Feels like an insane thing to admit to a person you might never see again.
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Back home, I was working on a series of intimate documentary portraits of men, and lately I’ve been thinking about continuing the project here in Melbourne. Would anyone be interested in being photographed? You can see more of the series here:
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the older i get, the more i realize how much i value the simple things. A quiet day, a good book, cooking something nice, a long walk, and just enjoying my own company. It’s not that life has gotten boring, i’ve just learned that peace is a luxury, and i’m a lot more intentional about protecting mine!
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hey people 🩵 I published a new piece on something I think a lot of us quietly experience: how much of ourselves we edit in order to feel accepted. it looks at this through humanistic psychology, especially Carl Rogers’ ideas around conditions of worth, incongruence, and becoming more fully yourself. the question I kept coming back to was: how much of you do people actually know, and how much is the version you learned was easiest to accept? would really love to hear your thoughts on this one, especially whether you’ve ever felt yourself becoming a different version of who you are depending on the people around you.
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You are a magnet for potential, seeing the good in others and hoping they rise to the occasion. But remember: character is defined by consistency, not just moments of kindness.
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Queer friendships have healed me in more ways than i can count.
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thank you guys for supporting my extreme camera roll dumps every three weeks 😭😭 i appreciate y’all
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if he’s not at least a little delusional, i don’t want him - talking planning our wedding and kids’ name type delusional 😭😭
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A guy just said “you’re a freak” to me as he walked past with such undisguised disdain that I think I’m just gonna go home and cry now.
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Its been so long since using this app is their no one interest in friendship here 🙄 🙁 looks likes i am all alone here since the day i using it 😞
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anyone out there ever get divorced? i did like 4 days ago (breakup was over 6 months prior) and it’s WEIRD 🫪
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this morning on my way to work ☁️ the guy next to me ignores his phone, opens a book and just… disappears into it. No phone. No scrolling. no idea why but it felt really beautiful 📖🫶
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and just when i thought the brazilians couldn’t get any hotter y’all start posting ur selfies w an L 😍
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It’s difficult …healing. I think we discuss it as this process of undoing—shedding. But what’s read as pathology may also be what keeps a person sane in a space structured and read through hegemonic epistemologies.
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How do y’all pour into yourselves?
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Dating is a precarious activity I do not have the emotional nor pecuniary budget for
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We love people to the extent whereby even if they leave and forget us we still hold unto them ,Like not being able to have any intimate relationship with anyone because we still feel like they are the only ones who deserve and have authority over that part of your life
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Am I being delusional ? If I say I want someone I can learn to love rather than just being casual because I want to experience what sexual relationships can be define as , I have seen myself as someone who needs to have connections with you before I can proceed to any sexual relationships with you . I want to build someone real not to prove anything to the world or society but because I want to express myself that way
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A date asked me to send their CV to my company… I respect the hustle
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Sometimes I ask myself am I unlovable ?? But then I realize I have never really opened myself to that part of my life and let someone see the part which can be lovable ,I have never gotten the chance to learn to love someone i have just been seeing that love part of my life as something I shouldn’t prioritize but at the same time I really want to learn and understand how it feels like to love someone , how every conversation with them becomes my favorite part of the day. But still at the same time I can’t expect too much or I would lose myself to it
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the urge to cuddle tonight😭
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I’m looking for a supplier of around 500 smooth, glossy, translucent teardrop-shaped elements (approx. 2–3 cm) for a fashion design graduation collection. Ideally, they’d have a rich, glass-like finish in colours such as amber, cognac, dark purple, teal or olive green - no faceted or cheap-looking beads. Glass, high-quality resin or similar materials would work, as long as they look premium and can be attached to fabric. My maximum budget is €200 for the full quantity. Does anyone know a good shop, supplier or manufacturer that might offer something like this at a reasonable price? Or perhaps someone who knows someone working with these kinds of materials? I’d really appreciate any recommendations, contacts or leads!
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why do all of my straight friends get to show off their relationship like it’s a trophy and i’m stuck hiding it bc “kids shouldn’t be seeing that”
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Btw, our Collective queer bookclub is desperately looking for lesbians and queer women! Join us, let your voices be heard!
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Walking on the treadmill like it’s a damn runway. 💅🏼✨ Incline at 10%, attitude at 100%. 😂
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My second chemo is done, and honestly, this one has been a bit harder than I expected. 🤕 A few days after treatment, I started feeling unwell and ended up being admitted to the hospital after testing positive for COVID (lucky me). I’m still here, and I have to admit it’s been frustrating and a little scary because of the fever. After everything that’s already happened, the last thing I wanted was to end up back in a hospital bed again. I just want to get through these months of treatment, get my life back, and start feeling like myself again. But I’m trying to remind myself that I don’t have to deal with everything at once. For now, I just need to get better and take the next step. Two chemos down, four to go. Hopefully, the next update will be from my own bed. 🫶🏻
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A Little Thought of You ❤️ Other sweet and simple options: Just a little message to let you know you’re on my mind. ❤️ Hope your day is going well and that you have plenty of reasons to smile. Sending you love and warm wishes. 🥰💕
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To the handsome flirt I saw at The Library coffee shop yesterday: I wanna have coffee with you
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Someone who has sense of humility.
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Discussions on Collective

Looking for your people? Finding a real community can be tough for LGBTQ+ folks. Discussions on Collective makes it easy.

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